It's My Birthday!

-Breakfast with the sis, her husband, Jake
-Lunch with SBT
-Dinner with the fam.


It's a celebration of food!

I Didn't Even Get Any Freaking Cake

Hey, thank you to all of my readers for being awesome!

Sorry for not being able to comment on any of your pages recently, it's been kinda hectic  considering:

LIVIA AND FRANK JUST GOT MARRIED!

I was rather excited.

During the days leading up to the wedding, I basically sat around for hours on end tying bows, bows, glorious bows. (which pretty much all came undone during the reception) ((wich was gorgeous)). It was all pretty surreal.

I was promoted from and demoted to the title "Juniour Bridesmaid" multiple times. By the time everything was over, I was still left a tad confused.

Way before the ceremony, we had gotten our hair and makeup done. My lovely hairstylist, Sukie, and I had a great conversation. It was nice. Afterward, I was mistaken for an 18 year old multiple times. (compliments are the best ever)

Livia was pretty stressed out for most of the day.

Soon, it was time for the ceremony. I cried during the beginning, although it never really hit me. Then... nothing. Afterward, I bustled Livia's dress and we hopped into the limo to drive to the reception. I think I minorly screwed up while I was walking to the alter.

We arrived at the tower the reception was being held in and were immediately whisked into a bar area. It was nice that we got to avoid the crowds, but that also ruined my chances of making something at the candy bar. Then, they introduced all of the wedding party, we stood in the back while Livia and Frank danced their first dance as a married couple. I was seated at a really awkward table with a bunch of Asians. I made friends with these two sisters who were next to me but everyone else at that table... sucked.

There was this one [unhot] guy who made several comments under his breath. Eventually, i got agitated and went:

"sorry, what?"

"...nothing"

"no. say it."

"it's no big deal."

"seriously, i won't get pissed off."

...

"otherwise i'll just think you're a pussy."

(all around "OOOHHH"s from the table)

"i asked if it was middle school" (the conversation was right after i said i was going to boarding school)

"oh. nope"

Later on, he said something else.

"(quiet)"

"what, sorry, i can't hear you."

"(a little louder)"

"speak up"

("ooooohhhh")

"you're very vulgar"

"thank you, fucktard"

Sometimes I rub people the wrong way.

I've become a lot more... confrontational than I was before this summer. Mostly with people that don't know me well. Hopefully, I can establish this personality at boarding school so I won't have to deal with always being polite and dealing with crap that I don't want to deal with. Seriously, y'all should try it, it's nice.

As a result of the awkward conversations above, I left my table frequently to talk to other people outside of the room.

One of those people was Mark.

Mark is Frank's best man.

Mark is amazing.

Mark is 28 years of age.

He's not like Jake, who is another one of Frank's close friends (remember, rodeo?). Jake is just a talented conversationalist with a sex god accent. But although I am somewhat attracted to him (and I can stay in conversation with him for hours) ((which happened at the rehearsal dinner)), he is more of an older brother figure to me (I've fallen asleep on him multiple times).

Mark is different.

He's not particularly attractive.

Slightly balding (like SBT). Math obsessive (has a PhD).

I'm not saying that he's unnatractive, either.

In [great] shape. Piercing blue eyes.

It works for him.

Throughout the night, I found myself constantly drawn to him. We shared looks from across the room, one would eventually gravitate toward the other, we would talk. He's hilarious. He speaks well. He's honest. He challenges me. Jesus, I don't even have a clue anymore.

He also has issues. Mark's been on antidepressants for the past five years. His prescription is so high that he's constantly twitchy. Sometimes I just want to slap him and be like, STOP, which I ended up doing at some point during the night. At first meeting, he's slightly awkward. He's a lot more blunt than some prefer, either that, or really quiet. He's chill with his friends, though. His students, as well. And people he likes. Not really with people he doesn't know if he likes (which explains awkward first meetings). He gets nervous in front of large groups of people... unless he's buzzed... which he was when he gave his toast. Of course, it was a smash hit (his personality is... complex. a shitload of people stopped us mid-conversation to commend him for it). he was really good for when I was feeling antisocial.

We slow danced twice. The second dance was a disaster:

+half-drunken turns

+PJ faux- making out with him from behind...

Certainly nothing is going to happen, though. I haven't completely lost my mind. But it's times like this that I truly wish I was older instead of just appealing to older men.

So now I'm going to stop gushing about Mark so I can talk about PJ

First of all, PJ is weird. 

+He gave Frank a machete for his 25th birthday

+He had a switchblade in his pocket during the whole wedding (I saw it)

+He collects knives

+And guns

But he's funny weird. He's so outrageous that people just forgive him for it. No one seems to figure out that he does it for the attention. Everyone loves him, though. Even Alexis Bledel (who used to be a geek, keep that in mind) once had a crush  on PJ. 

I gave PJ Che's phone number.

Can't wait to see where that goes :)

By the end of the night, I felt pretty much dead. Mark and I were just sitting off to the side and talking. Eventually, a bunch of Frank's other friends joined the conversation. Including PJ. Our convo was interesting. I left feeling a lot more... educated? They're interesting people,  though. We got together to pose for a picture, when all of a sudden, PJ goes:

"Someone should grab Taffy's ass!"

About a second later, I feel it.

I glance over at PJ and he's laughing his ass off...

After the reception was over, when Livia & Frank drove off in their limo, I was basically left to clean up the mess. All of the REAL bridesmaids seemed to have already untagged themselves as "it". Jake helped me load everything into the limo at twelve and he escorted me back home in it. Even so, I was majorly pissed off.

Sorry for the uberlong post.

Today I Became a Woman

Okay, not really.
But I did decide to exfoliate my armpits.

Stupid, stupid, STUPID idea.

They hurt like fuck right now. Wait, no, that's not right, fucking is probably a lot less painful than the burning sensation I'm feeling on my armpits.
I'm not even kidding.
But seriously, what kind of idiot decides to pumice their armpits?
WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING!

Do they sell Band- aids in Spain? Because I have a feeling that they're gonna start bleeding at any second.

On a lighter (actually darker and shittier) note, I found out that my dad cheated on my mom. Jesus Christ, I can't even look at him right now. I was out with my sister most of the day. I started thinking about this maybe a week ago (my sister was still in New York).

Basically, I have this vague memory of some woman who wasn't my mother closing the door of my parents' room in our old house in the suburbs. I have another memory of this same woman teaching me how to make a bracelet and me liking her, a lot. The last memory is what I think made my mother find out.

We were sitting in the car and this woman was in the front seat. My mother was fucking dropping her off at a hotel for God's sake! I don't know how the conversation came up, but my mother mentioned something about her staying in our guest room. To this I replied, "No, she stayed in you and daddy's room!".

Ugh.

I know that I have issues with my mom, but honestly, I think I love her most out of all the people in my family. And in case I haven't actually described my issues with my mother in this blog, Natalie knows that it goes much deeper than normal teenage angst. My father needs her so much more than she needs him! God, he's just so particular, but she doesn't think he can do any wrong. The problem is, neither does he. I bet you that he probably doesn't think that he did anything bad!

After I asked my sister about this at lunch today, she was talking about a conversation she had with my father. He was talking about what would happen if Frank ever strayed, and she said that he told her not to get too angry or leave him because IT IS JUST IN MEN'S NATURE! What the hell kind of asshole excuse is that? It's not like every living breathing male has the right or even the need to cheat.

God, I'm so glad I'm leaving tomorrow.
I guess I still have to pack, huh?

P.S. I swatted down a wasp's nest using AT&T Yellow Pages. I was scared shitless the whole time.

oh wow!

i'm actually getting comments.
this is fantastic :)
considering
i got a sixty six on a math quiz
(i doubt anyone in my family has ever scored below an eighty on ANYTHING)
and
i haven't spoken to either
red
taylor
or
SBSG
since... forever.
its official, i don't have guy troubles,
i'm simply insane.

yesterday, i went to the rodeo with my sister, frank (her fiancee), two of their friends, and jake (fiancee's sexy friend with an amazing accent).
I thought it was going to suck because they're all about twice my age. BUT, I was talking to Jake pretty much the whole time and he's a fantastic listener with a fantastic laugh. (No, I'm not considering anything). I managed to embarrass myself by spilling ketchup on my white coat... TWICE. Jake laughed and cracked a joke about me having the mind of a twenty five year old (thrilling) and the body of a nine year old (not so thrilling...). I also gained about five hundred pounds via deep fried banana blueberry twinky and deep fried oreo.
so worth it.
Anyways, I also ran into the main group of the cranberries there! It was incredibly scary and kind of depressing. Bee yelled my name and I turned around. I SWEAR, IT WAS AN AMBUSH!
Aubrey asked me which one Frank was so I yelled at Frank and he turned (lots of yelling...).
Then, Aubrey made sort of a face, but masked it quickly.

Okay, so Frank isn't the most attractive of all men ever... but he's not particularly ugly, so she had NO reason to make that face. The worst part was that I felt sort of embarrassed by him and ran off to go show the cranberries some amazing artwork done by a kindergartener. Which is sad because I'm pretty sure the kindergartener (or gardener... idk) was more talented then me. Then I said adieu and I ran back to the group I was with. Who were all twice my age and it was a Friday night, go figure.

Later on I realised how incredibly pissed at myself I was for my reaction to Aubrey's face. Ugh, I seriously need to stop caring what others think.

Towards the end, Gage texted me asking if I was going over to Henry's (business class boy) to watch Oklahoma (which I have a large part in, thank you very much) tomorrow. I was still majorly pissed at him so I said no.

My parents just got back from Chile today and I've already managed to disappoint them.
Fantastic, no?

ugh, Gage just sent me a picture of himself where he looks really hot.
i still hate him.

I'll explain the Airplane metaphor in my next post.