Sorry to Let Y'all Down

I think I'm friends with Gage again.
He's sick... I sort of ended up baking him cookies and dropping them off at his house.
I also dropped off cookies at Natalie's.
Sadly, I didn't really take the time to make them from scratch so they're sort of Pillsbury (which are still good).

Right now Gage & Barbie are arguing on the phone. She woke up and decided that she was over him :). Then she decided that she hated him... Good times.

By the way, Natalie, lunch with Kenzie, Barbie, Ginnie M., and Kate tomorrow.

Oh, and I thought I was going to get blue streaks in my hair. So I messaged SBSG asking if it was allowed. This time I don't think there were any spelling errors!

Me: Would I be able to gave blue hair? I actually fucked up there!
SBSG: What he actually seems sort of pissed off
Me: Have**
SBSG: Y would u do that I still hate his non-use of punctuation
Me: Actually I might just get streaks. Because I want to...
SBSG: No. That's really gay Is he saying that he won't let me have them?
Me: Is it allowed?
SBSG: Probably not
SBSG: And you would probably get lots of shit from kids for having blue hair
Me: Thanks for the tips. And i'm not dying it all the way blue.
SBSG: Don't do it at all Dude, WHY DO YOU CARE?
Me: Gage thinks you're right. We had a whole conversation about it.
SBSG: Gage?
Me: Yup.
SBSG: Who is that Getting a little possessive, eh?
Me: He's... A friend.
SBSG: ...A friend? Alright Sketch
Me: What do you mean? We've already established that I have friends.
SBSG: K well u seemed to be implying that he was a little more than a friend with the ... I HOPE YOU'RE JEALOUS, YOU SON OF A BITCH! Okay, I have no idea where that anger came from...
Me: Haha, oh well. What's up?
SBSG: Not too much. What's up with you
Me: On my way to drop off cookies at Natalie's house, lol. No reply.

SBSG wants to SBS ME!

haha, actually the title made no sense at all.
but yeah, SBSG wants to hang out.

I'm not going to do a whole word for word convo reenactment like I usually do when I talk to him, but this is pretty accurate.

SBSG: Hey girl, you wana (UG! STOP WITH THE SINGULAR Ns, SBSG!)
Me: Maybe I will after you write my name in a text.
SBSG: ? (okay, I can SORT of understand why he's confused)
Me: How about a "Hey Taffy, what's up?" Or whatever the hell
SBSG: Hello Tafy. (how the fuck do you spell that wrong? I sent him the fucking spelling in a previous text!)
Me: Spelled it wrong, SBSG.
SBSG: Taffy
Me: So what do you want to do?
SBSG: I have the whole house to myself all weekend and a shitload of weed. (strike ONE)
SBSG: Wait, you don't have your license, do you?
Me: Nope. And I don't smoke weed so you're gonna have to hide that.
SBSG: Ok.
Me: Haha, either way, I'm busy all weekend. (clever dodge) Free any other time?
SBSG: Maybe. What the hell you doing all weekend (no punctuation... disbelief...)
Me: I have other friends.
SBSG: Haha that's good to know
Me: I'm sure it is.




So, fellow readers, should I take the plunge?
-hang out with SBSG and potentially get raped/ become a pothead/ develop a slutty reputation
-not hang out with SBSG and miss out on a possibly good relationship (or one with bragging rights)/ develop a cowardly reputation/ become known as a tightass


decisions are hard, huh?

IS THIS POSSIBLE?

Me:
hey
neutral?
SBSG:
what up
YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING GANGSTER, SBSG!
Me:
i'm really really incredibly bored
you?
okay, it looks like I pretty much forgave him.
SBSG:
i wish i was. i have fucking hours of work
Me:
ew.
haha, sucks
so question:
okay... yeah...
SBSG:
yup
Me:
on a scale of one to ten:
how much do you hate me/ think i'm a major freak
SBSG:
11
OH SHIT, I WON'T BE POPULAR AT ALL!

im just kidding. why are you asking me this?
Me:
eleven being bad or good
asking because of recent conversations via text
truthful...
SBSG:
haha
Me:
i really hope you were kidding
because i want to keep on thinking that you're normal
okay, yeah, I'm totally asking to get raped.
SBSG:
dont worry im not a completly serious guy
I really hope so, SBSG, I really hope so.
Me:
fantastic :D , i hate you a little less now
completely serious.
SBSG:
and trust me im not that sketch
OR ARE YOU?
Me:
good.
so lets have a normal conversation.
go
SBSG:
um you can start this one
Me:
fuck, i have nothing to say
SBSG:
nor I
Me:
lol, so whatcha working on?
SBSG:
i have to work. il talk to you later
history paper
OMGAH! is this him dismissing me?
Me:
kay bye



NO, I haven't fallen for him again, I'm just hanging on to the hope that he's a regular guy and I'm not going to lose my virginity (accidentally) while at boarding school.

Crapsicles!

Okay, another SBSG post...
Well, anyway, after the last conversation with him
I added
"Sorry, I'm kinda hungover right now and can't really think"
Ah, that may have negated my "that would be rape" statement.
FUCKKK
Oh, but this DEFINITELY made it back into a no:

SBSG: Listen I don't want anything o say to you or you say to me getting to anuyone else.
GOD DAMMIT, SBSG, IF YOU WEREN'T HOT YOU'D BE DEAD RIGHT NOW! So yeah, this really pissed me off. In case you were wondering, translation:
Listen, I don't want anything I say to you or you say to me getting to anyone else.
BAHAHAH! Too bad I haven't said anything worth blackmailing me with, SBSG!
Me: First of all, that was disgusting. No, i don't want to have sex with you. Up until that text i thought you were normal. Second of all, if you're trying to get into a girls pants, you don't say that. Seriously.
:) I told him!
he hasn't texted back yet...
I'm planning on sending him this diamond:
WHAT? NO REPLY?
BAHAHAHAH

Okay, yeah, sorry, I'm a freak. But he totally deserved that. And I have the sick feeling that I may be the only one who knows about this side of him.
On Sparkey (a dating thing on facebook), he was voted "most well mannered".
Hm....
Oh, but I can't send that last text, he's actually really popular. Popular guy with girl who turns popular guy down: BAD NEWS.

Fuck the Ants.

WHAT'S THAT?

The drama is over, you say!

Three cheers, HIP HIP HURRAY!

Sorry, I didn't mean for that to rhyme....

And although there is still a bunch of mega confusion and such, the drama is OVER. Alice and I will go on to Monday with an even stronger, more honest friendship. (Hopefully).

Urgh, I'm too lazy to write about it. If like... four (that seems reasonable, eh?) people comment on this post asking about the drama, I'll take CRUCIAL time out of my day to describe it. Okay, actually I have no life so it won't really be any trouble...

Faye's house was fun yesterday, we played lots of Rock Band (addictive, but I SUCK ASS at the drums :]). Either way, it's nice to get away from everything. But then the most peculiar thing happened....

SBSG Established conversation!

SBSG: Hey you. How's life in (place where I live)?
hey you. Aww, okay, I still think this is incredibly cute. This is what he first said before he asked me out. Ugh, why does he have to be an ass?
Me: Boring. I'm playing rock band :). You?
SBSG: I'm about to go to sleep. I feel resally shitty
Ah, but he still doesn't know how to spell...
Me: Aw, what's wrong?
SBSG: I don't know I'm just exhausted
DID HE SPELL EXHAUSTED CORRECTLY? I BELIEVE HE DID!
Me: I hope you get better. For some reason you always when youre about to fall asleep...
SBSG: Always what?
Me: Text me.
SBSG: Haha oh I'm just very bored.
Me: So i'm either really boring or really entertaining :)
SBSG: No you entertain me.
Me: Glad to hear that.

the end.
GOD, NO FLIRTING, SBSG! YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND, REMEMBER?

Ah, but when one guy shows interest, that's usually when all of the other ones come back...
Ugh, sadly, it works the other way too.

Crushed

Ah, so in one of my previous posts I wrote about how this song "Crush" reminded me of taylor.
I just got crushed.

Okay, so I was on facebook (sorry, I probably can't add you. The goal of this blog is to stay semi- anonymous) and scheming. "How do I piss off SBSG?" AND IT HIT ME! Change my relationship to make so that I'm with someone HOTTER and OLDER/ MORE MATURE!.

So I asked Taylor.
This is his response:
"HahaHaHahaha. No freaking way."

Ah, I love it love it.
Thanks for making my day Taylor.

whatever lola wants...

lola gets.
or taffy gets :)
I GOT INTO BOARDING SCHOOL.
Even though my hips are all messed up and out of place, I managed to do a gran jete as soon as I heard.
Okay, well, I got into the one I actually wanted to go to.
The one that I wanted to get into to piss Harris off did not accept me, but I barely put any effort into that application sooooo...
:D
I'm so excited.
But slightly pissed. Natalie, if you're reading this, its because you and Alice called Gage behind my back and AFTER you managed to convince me to finally end the friendship, you caved and I had to talk to him. Also, I lied, I had been napping.
Idk, I feel like you should have let me handle this situation by myself. Sorry, I should have explained to you on the phone. All I said was that I didn't really want to talk to him, but I also got sort of pissed when you kept insisting that we talk.
so yeah, now I've forgiven him, but I think the friendship is now just a normal friendship. I can't tell if that makes he happy...
AUGH, IT WAS SO ANNOYING, THOUGH.
He kept trying to convince me that when we kissed I stuck in my tongue first, which is RIDICULOUS, because I know you're supposed to go into a kiss with your mouth closed.
Stupid Gage.

Oh, and I may have accidentally asked out Penn (accidentally, on purpose). I'm pretty sure he turned me down.
"Will you escort me to my sister's wedding?" (half kidding)
"... I don't know. I mean, YEAH! (overenthused with thumbs up)"
"Yeah, you'll forget."
"I probably will."

fin.

The good things are:

• I looked fantastic today. My hair was in place, et cetera. I even had energy despite the time change.
• Taylor initiated conversation and we spoke for like, three hours. Which made me extremely happy (he never starts the conversation).
• Sexy Boarding School Guy was talking to me as well....

Oh, God, SBSG. I feel like an idiot. As soon as I got back from physical therapy (awkward because I didn't have time to put on shorts and I was wearing a thong...), I texted him and was like:

I GOT IN! Come home so we can fuck.

.... Not the brightest thing I've ever done. At first I thought it would be funny and turn- on-ish, but now I don't know if he knows I'm kidding or not. He was like,"Congrats, We'll have plenty of time for that this sumer" (yes, he spelled summer wrong...). Perhaps he was kidding?
I don't know, I'm worried. Whatever, SBSG is smoking hot ;).

Sorry this post lacked so much structure, I'm in a state of bliss.

oh wow!

i'm actually getting comments.
this is fantastic :)
considering
i got a sixty six on a math quiz
(i doubt anyone in my family has ever scored below an eighty on ANYTHING)
and
i haven't spoken to either
red
taylor
or
SBSG
since... forever.
its official, i don't have guy troubles,
i'm simply insane.

yesterday, i went to the rodeo with my sister, frank (her fiancee), two of their friends, and jake (fiancee's sexy friend with an amazing accent).
I thought it was going to suck because they're all about twice my age. BUT, I was talking to Jake pretty much the whole time and he's a fantastic listener with a fantastic laugh. (No, I'm not considering anything). I managed to embarrass myself by spilling ketchup on my white coat... TWICE. Jake laughed and cracked a joke about me having the mind of a twenty five year old (thrilling) and the body of a nine year old (not so thrilling...). I also gained about five hundred pounds via deep fried banana blueberry twinky and deep fried oreo.
so worth it.
Anyways, I also ran into the main group of the cranberries there! It was incredibly scary and kind of depressing. Bee yelled my name and I turned around. I SWEAR, IT WAS AN AMBUSH!
Aubrey asked me which one Frank was so I yelled at Frank and he turned (lots of yelling...).
Then, Aubrey made sort of a face, but masked it quickly.

Okay, so Frank isn't the most attractive of all men ever... but he's not particularly ugly, so she had NO reason to make that face. The worst part was that I felt sort of embarrassed by him and ran off to go show the cranberries some amazing artwork done by a kindergartener. Which is sad because I'm pretty sure the kindergartener (or gardener... idk) was more talented then me. Then I said adieu and I ran back to the group I was with. Who were all twice my age and it was a Friday night, go figure.

Later on I realised how incredibly pissed at myself I was for my reaction to Aubrey's face. Ugh, I seriously need to stop caring what others think.

Towards the end, Gage texted me asking if I was going over to Henry's (business class boy) to watch Oklahoma (which I have a large part in, thank you very much) tomorrow. I was still majorly pissed at him so I said no.

My parents just got back from Chile today and I've already managed to disappoint them.
Fantastic, no?

ugh, Gage just sent me a picture of himself where he looks really hot.
i still hate him.

I'll explain the Airplane metaphor in my next post.

its bad to fall in love with gay men, it will only end in trouble

among other things,
i am mega excited that christian siriano won project runway. He's fantastic.
I'm in love with him.

UGH.
Major frustration/ confusion.
I managed to drop an f bomb on SAT while I was talking about a place that makes delicious chicken wings. Classy, eh?
Also, SBSG leaves town today.
I still have my eye infection.
AND
Red is considering going out with some other girl. Which I urged him to do (so as not to seem clingy) and repeated that I was jealous twice. He ignored it. Still, I think I handled the situation fairly well. And everythings going alright, except for when I IMed him yesterday and he ignored it.
Haven't spoken to Taylor since Wednesday...

What I'm extremely angry about is the stuff Gage gets away with. He managed to convince the cranberries that he and che planted a camera in the girls locker room. I'm still shocked that they were gullible enough to believe this...
Not actually what I'm mad about.
Here's what happened during English today:
Che kept coming back while me and Gage were "studying" for a vocabulary test.
"Che, go away." I would say.
"Che, leave," said Gage.
"Y'all can still do stuff, I won't watch." (che)
"Taffy, I really don't mind doing stuff in front of Che."
"Gage, I refuse to do anything in English class anymore because I'm afraid Che is watching."
He even came back while we were sitting down in P.E.!
WTF?
But that's not all. After Che finally left us alone for like... five minutes, this occurred:
"Our relationship is weird." (gage)
"How is it weird? Essentially, we're best friends who just happen to be benifitting from the friendship." (me)
"Essentially, indeed. It's still weird."

Stuff about how I don't benefit from this and how I just let him do stuff to me and I say I like his hugs.

"People do this all the time."
"Yeah, but those people are usually seventeen."
"Gage, we only think that at our school."
"But, I mean, why are we like this?"
"Because we're not romantically attracted to each other, just physically."
And he said this gem:
"Actually, I'm not that attracted to you. (THANKS GAGE). Phylise said earlier that she thinks I'm good looking and she thinks I should be with Kate (pretty, first class girl)."
"So she thinks I'm ugly."
... silence. "Well anyways, yeah, I just like the feel of you. But no offense or anything, but your face isn't that pretty. It's kind of..."
"Round, I know."
"Yeah, its still sort of chubby."

THANKS FOR BRINGING THIS UP GAGE!
Like seriously, I didn't even ask if I was pretty or anything, he just decided to add to my self esteem by telling me things (my vocabulary isn't developed enough to come up with a more descriptive words) that I really don't need to hear. I'm very attached to Gage. And even though I consider us best friends, I realise that I don't even talk to him. He just talks to me. I realised that I'm way to.... idk, to talk to him. The only things I do discuss with him are my boy problems, which also piss him off! UGH. It's times like these when I seriously consider dropping him. Cruel, I know, but I can't help it. He didn't even have to lie about anything, he could have just not brought stuff up.

I really hope my other guy troubles aren't actually a figment of my imagination and in reality, none of them would actually consider dating me.
I hate being ugly.

Reminders.

Hmm, I love Aidan Hawken.
I just started listening to his song Crush, and I get this sick feeling at the pit of my stomach. Not bad sick, necessarily, just confused.
Listen to it.

Reason why: It reminds me of Taylor so much. I have no idea how I even managed to start talking to him. He's amazing and... urgh, I have no clue. And the song also makes me really depressed, but I hear it and I'm happy. Happy/ Sad?

I was thinking about this and pressing shuffle on my iPod until I heard Last Train, by: Lostprophets.

Red.

I don't know why, but it's just so him. Now I listen to both of these songs before I fall asleep. Sad, right?

I also realised that I don't associate anything with sexy boarding school guy (from here on out known as SBSG), which makes me kind of sad. He's a lot more accessible than the other two, though.

Sort of down today, turns out Red isn't completely over his seventh grade girlfriend (he's a junior), who also happens to be his best friend.

Don't you just love how these things play out?
I tried to help him with it yesterday and I was good, I didn't ask anything about us. The good thing is that he isn't super possessive with her or anything, he's just amazed by her. This sucks, but I'm trying to help as much as I can.

Of course today, I also spoke a lot with Sporty, Asian Teacher (SAT). Goal from now till end of the year: start texting. No, I don't expect a romantic relationship, he's just REALLY fun to talk to :).

Hmm, it seems as though I've managed to make Gage jealous today. Which is weird because at the beginning of our relationship, it was the other way around. I'm so confused right now. I usually am.

Tomorrow I'm posting a list of fears.

more about me and guidelines to ruining a weekend

I tend to fuck up often.
I rarely think
I rarely sleep.
and I am the worst possible friend one could have.
If you've been reading Natalie's blog, you know about Gage & Alice going out.
They broke up.
Which wouldn't be so bad, but me and Natalie set them up.
My "i fucked up" post was dedicated to Alice.


Shitty thing happened though, me and Gage frenched on Friday.
Today I realised that Alice still REALLY really likes him.
And I don't even.
I need to start thinking.
I had stuff to say, but I think I'm going to start posting interesting stuff later on.
Oh, so here are the guys I'm forced (not really, I create my own drama) to choose between.

• Taylor- I've sent naked pictures to him. Yes, this is stupid, but remember, I don't think. And i've seen parts of him that... I probably should have waited to see when I'm older. However, he lives a couple thousand miles away, and oh, did I mention that he's a high school senior? We text for at least an hour each day, which is bad because I haven't actually spoken to him since this summer.
• Red- We met over the internet. That is the first time and only time I'm doing that. He is incredibly amazing to talk to and we've already established our liking of each other. He could just be playing me though. I've never met him (number one bad thing). I have spoken to him via webcam and the phone so, I don't quite know what else to say.
• Sexy Boarding School Guy- I'm trying to get into a boarding school. I know him through Natalie because their parents are friends. We text but not a lot. I've told him that I think he's hot and he asked me out. Sort of. Except I think he gets annoyed with me so we'll see.

You may have noticed that Gage is not on the list, this is because our relationship is purely physical and he's actually my best friend.

Hopefully my posts will be better from now on.

fitz.

was fucking amazing.
First club concert I went to, and aughhhh.
Most definitely going back with sexy boarding school guy if he doesn't figure out that I'm super ugly first. Or that I'm really annoying.
I saw:
Thee Armada
The Finalist
Dremnt The End
American Masquerade
Great American Actors
And they were amazing
Sadly, I was too broke to buy merch.
I swallowed a bunch of shit including:
hair,
sweat (lead singer's :], but still gross)
Other stuff but I forgot because my sister was too busy looking at honeymoon destinations to let me use the computer. I'm now obsessed with blogging.
So for the first four acts, I would stay at the top and watch. It's a better view and the moshing is entertaining. There was one couple who would stop and make out whenever the mosh pit died down for a couple of minutes.
Then, for Thee Armada I went down and got pretty far in the crowd. At first people were kind of annoyed but then I apoligised and I ended up getting a bunch of, "Oh my God, she's so cute!"s. Ah, they joys of being munchkin sized. The guy in the makeout couple ended up fixing my hair and going, "Hon, you're going to want to move that so it doesn't get in my face." This one girl next to me helped fix my bra strap like five times. But on the floor, it was insane, you couldn't stand still because the floor moved and the crowd was swaying back and fourth with their whole bodies. I fell over with a huge group of people and felt bad because I was on the top. Seriously, a really bad place for claustrophobic people. But now my arm is really sore because I kept it up for like the whole show. Hum... no one wants to read about this, why am I still typing?
Ugh, one shitty part. Okay, so some person named Cam kept putting his arms around me. And, normally, I would love that but he had gross socks on. So I'd elbow his arms off and try to go closer then he'd get right behind me again. So I was thinking about it and he could have been trying to get closer to the stage, but then again, arms can be kept to the side, no?
But I was way too much of a coward to tell him to get off. Yup, I'm pretty much an idiot.
Still, later on I found out that sexy boarding school boy was back in Houston so I'm fairly happy, for now.
Oh, and I came back and my hair was super tangled and I pretty much looked like shit (the bottom of my jeans were soaked in beer) and we ate cookies..
I left for the show in on leap day in February,I got back in March.
Fucking amazing, no?