its bad to fall in love with gay men, it will only end in trouble

among other things,
i am mega excited that christian siriano won project runway. He's fantastic.
I'm in love with him.

UGH.
Major frustration/ confusion.
I managed to drop an f bomb on SAT while I was talking about a place that makes delicious chicken wings. Classy, eh?
Also, SBSG leaves town today.
I still have my eye infection.
AND
Red is considering going out with some other girl. Which I urged him to do (so as not to seem clingy) and repeated that I was jealous twice. He ignored it. Still, I think I handled the situation fairly well. And everythings going alright, except for when I IMed him yesterday and he ignored it.
Haven't spoken to Taylor since Wednesday...

What I'm extremely angry about is the stuff Gage gets away with. He managed to convince the cranberries that he and che planted a camera in the girls locker room. I'm still shocked that they were gullible enough to believe this...
Not actually what I'm mad about.
Here's what happened during English today:
Che kept coming back while me and Gage were "studying" for a vocabulary test.
"Che, go away." I would say.
"Che, leave," said Gage.
"Y'all can still do stuff, I won't watch." (che)
"Taffy, I really don't mind doing stuff in front of Che."
"Gage, I refuse to do anything in English class anymore because I'm afraid Che is watching."
He even came back while we were sitting down in P.E.!
WTF?
But that's not all. After Che finally left us alone for like... five minutes, this occurred:
"Our relationship is weird." (gage)
"How is it weird? Essentially, we're best friends who just happen to be benifitting from the friendship." (me)
"Essentially, indeed. It's still weird."

Stuff about how I don't benefit from this and how I just let him do stuff to me and I say I like his hugs.

"People do this all the time."
"Yeah, but those people are usually seventeen."
"Gage, we only think that at our school."
"But, I mean, why are we like this?"
"Because we're not romantically attracted to each other, just physically."
And he said this gem:
"Actually, I'm not that attracted to you. (THANKS GAGE). Phylise said earlier that she thinks I'm good looking and she thinks I should be with Kate (pretty, first class girl)."
"So she thinks I'm ugly."
... silence. "Well anyways, yeah, I just like the feel of you. But no offense or anything, but your face isn't that pretty. It's kind of..."
"Round, I know."
"Yeah, its still sort of chubby."

THANKS FOR BRINGING THIS UP GAGE!
Like seriously, I didn't even ask if I was pretty or anything, he just decided to add to my self esteem by telling me things (my vocabulary isn't developed enough to come up with a more descriptive words) that I really don't need to hear. I'm very attached to Gage. And even though I consider us best friends, I realise that I don't even talk to him. He just talks to me. I realised that I'm way to.... idk, to talk to him. The only things I do discuss with him are my boy problems, which also piss him off! UGH. It's times like these when I seriously consider dropping him. Cruel, I know, but I can't help it. He didn't even have to lie about anything, he could have just not brought stuff up.

I really hope my other guy troubles aren't actually a figment of my imagination and in reality, none of them would actually consider dating me.
I hate being ugly.