Bitchslutmistress

So today I went and saw the Dark Knight for the third time.

It's still an amazing movie.

I was with Jas, a couple of my SPS friends (Alice's school), and James, who is one of Jas' best friends' boyfriends (and also one of my friends). It was cool.

Except for when James kissed me.

No worries, it was just a peck.

But still...

I texted Taylor about feeling like a bitchslutmistress.

His response?

"ya..."

I'm Leaving

So the cool thing about boarding school is that the week before you leave is packed. It's nice feeling busy :). And loved. (no, I'm not depressed or anything).

Even though my roommate sucks. And hates neon colours.

(SERIOUSLY, what's up with that?)

Anyway, I'm going to hang out with Calvin this Monday. Which I would be excited about if it wasn't for what I'm going to tell you next.

I had discussed Calvin's coming over with him over the phone. Essentially, the three big points are that a. natalie's 5-foot-1-ex's mom would have to drop him off; b. that or both him & gage & calvin would have to come; and c. I DO NOT WANT GAGE TO COME.

Seriously, ever since he started high school, Gage has become an even bigger asshole than normal! He's cockier (was I stupid to assume it would get better?) and a lot more annoying. So yeah, I no longer even have an odd affection for him. I just don't like him. At all. I am going to fucking kill that kid.

Anyway, he texted me on Friday.

Gage: Hey! WHATS UP!!! he's rarely this enthusiastic

Me: Not much. Um, I have to go pack. Bye. bullshit. i was walking around aimlessly through stein mart.

Gage: Why have you been so moody towards me lately?

Me: I haven't been. I do seriously need to pack, though. I'm leaving in a week.

Gage: I know, so when are we going to hang out?

Me: Um, I'm really busy all weekend. 

Gage: Can't you squeeze me in?

Me: I'll see you at the yearbook signing.

Gage: Wat about Monday?

Me: eyes widened... You talked to Calvin?

Gage: Ya

Me: Ha.

no reply...

Me: If you want to come monday, come monday.

Gage: Okay.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN "OKAY"?

DON'T YOU GET THE FUCKING HINT?!

Oh, yes, he does!

I got Sydney to text him about it.

What I've learned:

+he knows we're not fighting and that I just dislike him

+he's not actually kidding about coming

+he knows I don't want him there

+he's coming just to say "bye"

+he's probably staying for as long as Calvin is

And on top of this, I'm trying to help Taylor decide his major!

I am Way Freaking Obsessed (WFO)

I hung out with Natalie today.
It was awesome!

Okay, well we swam :)

Life thus far has been pretty... boring.

Reply to Ellie: NOT going shopping with him. My crush on him sort of went WHOOOOOflop.

Yeah, Barbie sort of added Penn G. on Facebook (even though I told her not to). And I'm not super insecure or anything... but Barbie is REALLY pretty. I'm just sort of pretty. And she's flirty. And et cetera <-- does that make sense?.

Anyway, part of the reason I am so weird about this is because I am, essentially, way freaking obsessed. I get like this with guys. It happens about once a year (last year it was Taylor). Basically a guy who:
-has good abs
-is easy to talk to
-has a good face
-is older than me
-doesn't get super weirded out by me
... yeah, that's all that's really required.
But now if Penn figures this out, shit will hit the fan. (and I will spend a crapload of time obsessing over him & his girlfriend's third month anniversary since their second one was 2 days ago). Let's see how long this lasts, eh?



Sorry for the uber neurotic posts as of late.
I'll begin writing interesting, embarrasing posts again sometime soon!

Oh Gage Almighty

Hahaha, get the title?
If not, replace Gage with God.
(in case we haven't already established this, I have no life)
Also, Gage is super Catholic.
BAHAHAHAHAH.
Okay, yeah, sorry.

Right now my parents decided to have a random party and invited all of my cousins & et cetera. Cousins & et cetera means all of my neices & nephews (one who happens to have my mobile and is playing tetris as obsessively as I play it :/). AND, of course, my pedophiliac uncle.
He:

• gives overly long hugs
• follows them with back pat/ RUBS
• corners you and asks you awkward questions
• comments on how beautiful you look

He's just creepy and uncomfortable...

That isn't the point though.

The point is that Gage has been flirting with me, lately. A lot. Even though he's supposed to REALLY like Barbie...

Today in English I was walking by him. He was lying down with his head on the floor. When I walked back to my place by the table where the teacher was trying to show us something. This happened.
"Taaaaaffy".
(ignored).
"Taaaff, TAAAFF!"
I suppose that didn't really need an exclamation point, he was whispering.
"WHAT, GAGE?"
"I saw."
Lecherous smile.

Ever since Wednesday, he's been giving me these really tight hugs and staring at my boobs. GUESS WHAT, GAGE?

IT'S PADDED!

IT'S PADDED!

Okay, well, sometimes. Anyway, Alice noticed it too. He's being a flirt- monster with me. It seems as though Barbie (GORGEOUS Barbie), is not enough for him. Fucking asshole. Oh, and let me explain the "I saw," thing. It's been an insided joke that started right about when we started being FWB (friends with benefits). Long story short, it means that he saw up my skirt.

Later, I went back upstairs to get Spanish homework and Alice & I stopped at his locker. We were leaving and Alice was talking to someone else when Gage pulled me aside and gave me this really tight hug. Then he whispered in my ear, "Were they yellow?"

I gave him a pissed off look.

He gave me a thumbs up.

Yellow being my thong.

Also, after Gage's reflirt started, I think Chuck decided that he didn't hate me anymore because he's been flirty again. Thank Jesus.

And Taylor hasn't spoken to me since Monday.

Oh, and Roy is this guy I know who goes to the brother school of Nat's St. Yellow.
He's a senior and he has a girlfriend.

For some reason that hasn't kept him from flirting with me. Calling me lascivious. Asking me to treat him to York mints. Oh, and referring to me as "my sexy."

I really hate the name Roy, but that's the only name that I could think of that suited him.

CHEESE AND RICE!

Did I ever post anything about my fight with Gage regarding Taylor's dick?
Well he told Che.
I think I already posted this...
ANYWAY, I found out about that last monday (the seventh of April), and I managed to give him silent treatment up till today when a whole bunch of guys (including HENRY and CHUCK) told me that I was being immature.
I already tried the "be civil but don't be friends really" option. Doesn't work.
So after I told him, Oklahoma! play practice was extremely awkward. I've told him that I'm pissed but things are normal. Kinda. I was sitting next to him earlier and listening to his iPod when our knees touched (which, pre-fight, had no meaning whatsoever). We stayed like that for like, a second, when he realised that our knees were in fact... touching. OH FIE! Anyway, he sort of tensed up and ended up sitting with his knees bent and feet on the ground. Awkward.
I texted him five hours ago going, "Hey, can things go back to normal, please? Yes, I'm still pissed at you, but I don't want stuff to be this awkward anymore."
Reply:
(I would post it here, but too bad THERE WAS NONE!)
FUCKAROO!

Oh, and I have no chance with any of the guys in the grade. Or guys in general.
Love you :)

what goes up must come down.

in this case the thing coming back down is...

my life.



UGH. This is so stupid.

It may seem like I'm making a big deal about everything.

And to Nat and stuff, it probably does.
I agree, I probably am.



Gage told CHE, of all people, (Gage once told Che something KNOWING that Che would tell people in order to break up with Cherie) about the Taylor pictures.

I talked to Natalie about this during lunch and she's like, "Wait, what do you call him, fat, fatass, woman, chubby, chubbycheeks, what are the others?"

Basically, she said it like I deserved it.

Hello, GAGE CALLS ME STUFF BACK. Even if I don't react to his name calling as much, it isn't fucking justified.

Second of all Nat, I'm seriously wondering if you have some sort of secret hatred for me. (This isn't calling you out or anything, I could just be paranoid and this could just be your personality)

When I started this blog I promised myself I would write the truth. I was seriously debating not doing so because you and Syd are the only two people who I actually KNOW who are reading this. And y'all are huge parts of my life. I just got off the phone with you. And yeah, I feel sort of bad about this (and I don't expect you to change yourself or anything), but the whole excitement you get from Alice's sister's hatred for me kind of sets of an alarm. I can understand the whole Jordache thing, but I'm still sort of confused about this.



Reason why I'm pissed: I told Gage not to tell anyone about Taylor and also the m.o. session in P.E.

Somehow, people have already found out about both.

hmm...



Also, Calvin told Alice about how Gage & I have kissed more than once.

Result: This Text from Alice-

Ok. Confession time. Yesterday i found out how even after my sis called u n cussed u out about u having made out wit gage, u kept making out wit him, completely ignoring how hurt i had felt then. I had gotten over it, but when i found out yesterday that u didnt stop i got mad/sad all over again. I didnt think u'd do that 2 me. I started crying n all that other shit. B4 that, i had no intentions of getting revenge on you. But then i woke up evil, like seriously wanting 2 ruin your life. I seriously considered it but now I don't want 2. Because as pissed as i am at u i dont wanna do that. And about gage telling ppl about u 2 making out... U shouldnt have done it if u didnu want anyone 2 find out about it later. It was bound to happen. And i'm sorry that this is all happening to you. About ppl finding out and stuff. And i'm telling u rite now that i wont be able 2 trust u the same again like i did b4. I want u and gage 2 make up. I love you taff. And i don't want evryone 2 see you as something else 4 my own benefits. I cant think of the other things i was gonna tell you. React how ever you want to. I want you to be honest with me.

AHHHH! THIS TEXT PISSES ME OFF SO MUCH THAT YOU HAVE NO IDEA!Here Alice goes, being an amazing friend, and apologises for having RUDE THOUGHTS. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?NO!

Alice is amazing.

And the rest of my life has sort of gone to hell. And for some reason I
actually think I can talk to Henry about this crap. And I was coming
extremely close to telling him my feelings for him (before Gage decides to
pull and asshole stunt) even though I've made them so obvious that I'd
probably stop crushing on him if he hadn't realised them before I told him. (not really, i'd make up some excuse).
Hm... I had more to write about but then my mother had a freak out and I had to leave the computer in case she read this. Which would be extremely bad...Thank God I have friends outside of school.And Nat, I'm sorry if this seems bitchy and such and such and you probably don't have "cruel intentions" but i'm a retard.

Crushed

Ah, so in one of my previous posts I wrote about how this song "Crush" reminded me of taylor.
I just got crushed.

Okay, so I was on facebook (sorry, I probably can't add you. The goal of this blog is to stay semi- anonymous) and scheming. "How do I piss off SBSG?" AND IT HIT ME! Change my relationship to make so that I'm with someone HOTTER and OLDER/ MORE MATURE!.

So I asked Taylor.
This is his response:
"HahaHaHahaha. No freaking way."

Ah, I love it love it.
Thanks for making my day Taylor.

whatever lola wants...

lola gets.
or taffy gets :)
I GOT INTO BOARDING SCHOOL.
Even though my hips are all messed up and out of place, I managed to do a gran jete as soon as I heard.
Okay, well, I got into the one I actually wanted to go to.
The one that I wanted to get into to piss Harris off did not accept me, but I barely put any effort into that application sooooo...
:D
I'm so excited.
But slightly pissed. Natalie, if you're reading this, its because you and Alice called Gage behind my back and AFTER you managed to convince me to finally end the friendship, you caved and I had to talk to him. Also, I lied, I had been napping.
Idk, I feel like you should have let me handle this situation by myself. Sorry, I should have explained to you on the phone. All I said was that I didn't really want to talk to him, but I also got sort of pissed when you kept insisting that we talk.
so yeah, now I've forgiven him, but I think the friendship is now just a normal friendship. I can't tell if that makes he happy...
AUGH, IT WAS SO ANNOYING, THOUGH.
He kept trying to convince me that when we kissed I stuck in my tongue first, which is RIDICULOUS, because I know you're supposed to go into a kiss with your mouth closed.
Stupid Gage.

Oh, and I may have accidentally asked out Penn (accidentally, on purpose). I'm pretty sure he turned me down.
"Will you escort me to my sister's wedding?" (half kidding)
"... I don't know. I mean, YEAH! (overenthused with thumbs up)"
"Yeah, you'll forget."
"I probably will."

fin.

The good things are:

• I looked fantastic today. My hair was in place, et cetera. I even had energy despite the time change.
• Taylor initiated conversation and we spoke for like, three hours. Which made me extremely happy (he never starts the conversation).
• Sexy Boarding School Guy was talking to me as well....

Oh, God, SBSG. I feel like an idiot. As soon as I got back from physical therapy (awkward because I didn't have time to put on shorts and I was wearing a thong...), I texted him and was like:

I GOT IN! Come home so we can fuck.

.... Not the brightest thing I've ever done. At first I thought it would be funny and turn- on-ish, but now I don't know if he knows I'm kidding or not. He was like,"Congrats, We'll have plenty of time for that this sumer" (yes, he spelled summer wrong...). Perhaps he was kidding?
I don't know, I'm worried. Whatever, SBSG is smoking hot ;).

Sorry this post lacked so much structure, I'm in a state of bliss.

oh wow!

i'm actually getting comments.
this is fantastic :)
considering
i got a sixty six on a math quiz
(i doubt anyone in my family has ever scored below an eighty on ANYTHING)
and
i haven't spoken to either
red
taylor
or
SBSG
since... forever.
its official, i don't have guy troubles,
i'm simply insane.

yesterday, i went to the rodeo with my sister, frank (her fiancee), two of their friends, and jake (fiancee's sexy friend with an amazing accent).
I thought it was going to suck because they're all about twice my age. BUT, I was talking to Jake pretty much the whole time and he's a fantastic listener with a fantastic laugh. (No, I'm not considering anything). I managed to embarrass myself by spilling ketchup on my white coat... TWICE. Jake laughed and cracked a joke about me having the mind of a twenty five year old (thrilling) and the body of a nine year old (not so thrilling...). I also gained about five hundred pounds via deep fried banana blueberry twinky and deep fried oreo.
so worth it.
Anyways, I also ran into the main group of the cranberries there! It was incredibly scary and kind of depressing. Bee yelled my name and I turned around. I SWEAR, IT WAS AN AMBUSH!
Aubrey asked me which one Frank was so I yelled at Frank and he turned (lots of yelling...).
Then, Aubrey made sort of a face, but masked it quickly.

Okay, so Frank isn't the most attractive of all men ever... but he's not particularly ugly, so she had NO reason to make that face. The worst part was that I felt sort of embarrassed by him and ran off to go show the cranberries some amazing artwork done by a kindergartener. Which is sad because I'm pretty sure the kindergartener (or gardener... idk) was more talented then me. Then I said adieu and I ran back to the group I was with. Who were all twice my age and it was a Friday night, go figure.

Later on I realised how incredibly pissed at myself I was for my reaction to Aubrey's face. Ugh, I seriously need to stop caring what others think.

Towards the end, Gage texted me asking if I was going over to Henry's (business class boy) to watch Oklahoma (which I have a large part in, thank you very much) tomorrow. I was still majorly pissed at him so I said no.

My parents just got back from Chile today and I've already managed to disappoint them.
Fantastic, no?

ugh, Gage just sent me a picture of himself where he looks really hot.
i still hate him.

I'll explain the Airplane metaphor in my next post.

Reminders.

Hmm, I love Aidan Hawken.
I just started listening to his song Crush, and I get this sick feeling at the pit of my stomach. Not bad sick, necessarily, just confused.
Listen to it.

Reason why: It reminds me of Taylor so much. I have no idea how I even managed to start talking to him. He's amazing and... urgh, I have no clue. And the song also makes me really depressed, but I hear it and I'm happy. Happy/ Sad?

I was thinking about this and pressing shuffle on my iPod until I heard Last Train, by: Lostprophets.

Red.

I don't know why, but it's just so him. Now I listen to both of these songs before I fall asleep. Sad, right?

I also realised that I don't associate anything with sexy boarding school guy (from here on out known as SBSG), which makes me kind of sad. He's a lot more accessible than the other two, though.

Sort of down today, turns out Red isn't completely over his seventh grade girlfriend (he's a junior), who also happens to be his best friend.

Don't you just love how these things play out?
I tried to help him with it yesterday and I was good, I didn't ask anything about us. The good thing is that he isn't super possessive with her or anything, he's just amazed by her. This sucks, but I'm trying to help as much as I can.

Of course today, I also spoke a lot with Sporty, Asian Teacher (SAT). Goal from now till end of the year: start texting. No, I don't expect a romantic relationship, he's just REALLY fun to talk to :).

Hmm, it seems as though I've managed to make Gage jealous today. Which is weird because at the beginning of our relationship, it was the other way around. I'm so confused right now. I usually am.

Tomorrow I'm posting a list of fears.

more about me and guidelines to ruining a weekend

I tend to fuck up often.
I rarely think
I rarely sleep.
and I am the worst possible friend one could have.
If you've been reading Natalie's blog, you know about Gage & Alice going out.
They broke up.
Which wouldn't be so bad, but me and Natalie set them up.
My "i fucked up" post was dedicated to Alice.


Shitty thing happened though, me and Gage frenched on Friday.
Today I realised that Alice still REALLY really likes him.
And I don't even.
I need to start thinking.
I had stuff to say, but I think I'm going to start posting interesting stuff later on.
Oh, so here are the guys I'm forced (not really, I create my own drama) to choose between.

• Taylor- I've sent naked pictures to him. Yes, this is stupid, but remember, I don't think. And i've seen parts of him that... I probably should have waited to see when I'm older. However, he lives a couple thousand miles away, and oh, did I mention that he's a high school senior? We text for at least an hour each day, which is bad because I haven't actually spoken to him since this summer.
• Red- We met over the internet. That is the first time and only time I'm doing that. He is incredibly amazing to talk to and we've already established our liking of each other. He could just be playing me though. I've never met him (number one bad thing). I have spoken to him via webcam and the phone so, I don't quite know what else to say.
• Sexy Boarding School Guy- I'm trying to get into a boarding school. I know him through Natalie because their parents are friends. We text but not a lot. I've told him that I think he's hot and he asked me out. Sort of. Except I think he gets annoyed with me so we'll see.

You may have noticed that Gage is not on the list, this is because our relationship is purely physical and he's actually my best friend.

Hopefully my posts will be better from now on.