I'm Leaving (pt. II)

So I'm off to New York tomorrow.

We have to do some shopping for winter clothes before my three long months in Connecticut...

I had a goodbye dinner with Alice, Sydney, and Natalie tonight. It was good, the food and such. It wasn't really sad until I said goodbye to each of them. The dinner itself was actually kind of awkward. I still didn't feel like I got enough time to say what I wanted to say to each of them so... I guess I'll say it here?

Um... I'll ask that you only read your message but I doubt that would do any difference. I love each of you equally, though.

Alice- We have been friends for the shortest amount of time, but I feel like I have known you for a while. Our friendship has had many up and downs for a relatively short period of time, but our ups are the best... and we get over our downs with a little bit of cussing and such. I love you so much and I wish I could be at your Quince! I'm glad you are having fun at St. Paul's. Seriously, all of the stuff about popularity... BULLSHIT. I just want you to be happy. I want you to find friends who understand you and love you as much as Natalie, Sydney, and I did. We weren't the most popular, however, we had the most fun BY FAR of any fucking group in our grade. You will go so far in life, just remember me when you do.

Sydney- I think I've been friends with you for the longest if you don't include the period of time where you left our cozy little school. And when you first came back with your bitter attitude towards me due to a previous scissor fight... I'm sorry I get annoyed with you over little things. Actually, you are the best. Ever. Seriously, I don't think those fucking ribbons would get any use without you spaztically waving them all over the place. I can't believe you're almost getting taller than  me! I can tell everything to you without you judging. You're like my own crazy doctor. Eventually, I'll begin trying to bum Adderall off of you, and it's up to you to tell me no. I'll miss your talkativeness and ability to un-awkardize any moment. Thank you for always being an amazing friend to me, even when I'm being a freak. And thank you for always rationalizing situations and telling me the truth when I need it. Keep up the art, you faggot.

Natalie- We became friends over your (and now my) Angry Friend's love of popcorn. Medium-length. Although, I think we've gone through a lot. Sorry for the ending of this summer, it was weird. And I don't think our friendship will ever go back to the way it was. But that isn't exactly a bad thing... We're stronger. I'll miss you so much, you have no idea. It was hard not to cry in front of you while we were saying goodbye but I didn't want you to be sad while you were in the car. I really hope that I'll find someone else I can talk about boobs with so lightly, but I doubt that will happen. And for some reason, I'm also okay with that. Because that is something that's so signaturely you. I'll also miss the awkward, unintentional boob grazes, and also the equally awkward, intentional boob hits. Hopefully the five bajillion (just kidding, maybe like... three) kids you have in the future won't have a problem breast feeding (sorry, I couldn't help that). You'll make a great mom. And homemaker.

So yeah.

Suck it.

(said to all three)

Tree- Pruning as Therapy

Today I basically chopped off a bunch of tree leaves.
I didn't know that doing so could be so... depressing.
Actually, it's a really thoughtful process.
I've grown a lot in the past 12 hours, I think.




My mother and I are forming a closer relationship.
It's been like a week since I've cursed at her (baby steps, baby steps).


Hopefully, this summer I can figure everything out.
Nat- I want to be a better friend.

Yo Homies

I now own three pairs of dress pants.


Gross.


Sorry, not much has happened lately.
(translation- taffy is a loser)

Hanging with Nat tomorrow! (i think)
And Syd yesterday night.
(she ate 5 cinnamon rolls)

ALICE CALL ME!



Love you all :)

College Boys? Count me in!

So, when Nat, Barbie, and I went to have lunch with Chase on Monday, we had a little difficulty finding him. As a result, we spent a shitload of time at the Student Rec center. Where there was an Info Desk. With a hot Info Desk Guy :).

By the end of our time there, I had added IDG on Facebook. Today we started texting. The one big problem is that... Info Desk Guy is going to be a juniour in college. I'm just entering high school.

This is our conversation:

IDG: Was that you that walked by without saying hi? (We went to the college to go visit Chase for lunch)
Me: It might be, i didn't want to seem like a stalker. (honest)
IDG: It woulda been fine. What are you doin on campus? (he responded like TWENTY minutes later. I hate it when people do that)
Me: Soccer camp buddies. Plus i didnt want my high opinion of you tainted by hungover you.
Me: IDG, your non-texts are seriously uncool.
IDG: How old are you, Taff? (DAMN YOU, IDG! Response like 2 hours later)
Me: Depends, do i have to answer that? (I hate that question, you have no idea)
IDG: Haha yes. Why, is it a sensitive subject?
Me: Whenever i go and talk to hot guys (me being honest) they always ask me how old i am. it gets a little annoying :). (More than a little...)
IDG: Don't wanna get myself in trouble now... (THIS MEANS THAT HE'S CONSIDERING LETTING ME GET HIM INTO TROUBLE!)
Me: Then dont do anything to get yourself into trouble. (this is where i change the subject) (I actually texted that)
IDG: Punk. (cute)
Me: I don't know how to respond to that... (what, it's true!)
IDG: Okay, then gimme a general idea. High school? Junior high?
Me: High school. Feel better? (it's not a lie... i just haven't actually GONE to hs yet...)
IDG: Better, but not great. Youre cute though... (is this a comment justifying my youngness or just a compliment or an insult...)
Me: Thanks for that. And as long as youre feeling good(ish), i'm feeling good too.
IDG: Are you from around here?
Me: Yup. Houston born and raised. But i go to boarding school.
IDG: Where?
Me: Connecticut.
IDG: Damn. you should live it up this summer while you can. Do you drink?
Me: Yup. Never alone, though. (truth is I never really have the opportunity to drink. so duh, I always lie)
IDG: Maybe we should hang out, taff. (SCORE, MUTHAFUCKA! I think he's making fun of the signature i have at the end of every one of my texts...)
Me: Maybe we should. When are you free? (that's right! i cater 2u!)
IDG: Never, it seems. Haha this weekend sometime, though there are parties here every night. (Since when do the kids from that school party?)
IDG: I live over at (dorm name here) this summer, got a double room to myself cuz I'm a badass. Gets a little lonely sometimes. (is this an invitation?)
Me: I'm usually busy on weekends (oh yeah, hard to get, lol). And many parties means that youll be frequently hungover. Aw, lonely?
IDG: No, i'm usually not. Las night was ridiculous, not the norm. During the week then. Maybe. (maybe?)
Me: Haha, then we'll see.
IDG: Alright girl (for some reason, all the guys I know like to call me that). Ill keep in touch.
Me: Good.




So right now I'm iming one of my ex boyfriends, and listening to him make up a bunch of bullshit about being in rehab for doing "bad stuff". Turns out he's going to boarding school, too...
And my toilet's sweating.

I am Way Freaking Obsessed (WFO)

I hung out with Natalie today.
It was awesome!

Okay, well we swam :)

Life thus far has been pretty... boring.

Reply to Ellie: NOT going shopping with him. My crush on him sort of went WHOOOOOflop.

Yeah, Barbie sort of added Penn G. on Facebook (even though I told her not to). And I'm not super insecure or anything... but Barbie is REALLY pretty. I'm just sort of pretty. And she's flirty. And et cetera <-- does that make sense?.

Anyway, part of the reason I am so weird about this is because I am, essentially, way freaking obsessed. I get like this with guys. It happens about once a year (last year it was Taylor). Basically a guy who:
-has good abs
-is easy to talk to
-has a good face
-is older than me
-doesn't get super weirded out by me
... yeah, that's all that's really required.
But now if Penn figures this out, shit will hit the fan. (and I will spend a crapload of time obsessing over him & his girlfriend's third month anniversary since their second one was 2 days ago). Let's see how long this lasts, eh?



Sorry for the uber neurotic posts as of late.
I'll begin writing interesting, embarrasing posts again sometime soon!

GOT HOME YESTERDAY!

And that's about it.
I was really awake.

Up until 10.00 when I crashed.

Anyway, lots of stuff happened in Spain and Nat will probably write about it.
I am much too tired.
Slash lazy.

HOLY MONKEY!

SPAIN IS IN TWO DAYS!
AAHHHHH!

I just went to a food tasting for my sister's wedding.

Not much to say.

Hopefully today isn't too awkward for Natalie.

My Neighbor is HOT!

I JUST REALISED THIS AS I WAS IN THE ELEVATOR THIS MORNING!
OH MY GOD!
HE IS GORGEOUS! (for an Asian)

And he's a doctor!
Okay, enough ranting about my neighbor (who looks about 25 :/)

IT'S SYDNEY'S BIRTHDAY!
HURRAH!

I celebrated this at Nat's house at two in the morning.
I ran up and down her street ass naked.
It was pretty cool man.

I think this was the result of the three cups of black coffee I had.

Eventually Nat had to give me tums.

Nat, Alice, Sydney, and I went to a restaurant and ordered kickass steak.
(I did most of the ordering)
And I had the whole "I have this situation HANDLED" attitude DOWN!
Until we started talking about STDs and I commented on gnarly Gonnorhea.
Yuppp.

Happy Birthday Sydney Sex Monkey.

50th Post

YAY!
In celebration I'm speaking to my sister again.
Okay, so I'm not sure if that's a good thing.
(I still don't have my phone)

Today we had sort of a graduation chapel.
All of our teachers gave us talks and et cetera.
I cried so much.

Normally I don't cry.
Like, last year, when everybody cried at stuff, I didn't.
But now it's like WAAAAAAAHHH! WAHHHH! OH MY GA... WAHHHHHHHHHHH!
ick.

I'm going shopping tomorrow.
Nat, Syd, Alice, I WILL MISS YOU!


Hopefully the performances are over now since its the end of the week!

howdy doo dah!

AHHH!
OK(l-a-h-o-m-a), Oklahoma went really well!
I got a lot of compliments for my acting (which sounds braggy, but I'm excited!). It's sad though, because this means that school is almost over.
For field day, we our mascot is a panther. Delilah (who we had this drama with waaay back when, but now most is normal except we don't really talk to her that much...) is the panther! Oh, but I get to be her "handler!". Okay, wait, that sounds kina pervy.

The rest of my week went pretty well. Turns out Gage & Barbie are really into each other. I think it's sweet :). Ah, but I no longer have a makeout buddy. Which sucks, because I'M HORNY. Oh God, yeah, if I were you I would stop reading this blog.

I did end up getting a talk from Alice, Nat, and Syd today. Kind of awkward. It was mostly about me being... 'out there' with guys. I started to understand what they were saying toward the end but apparently there's more?

AHAHA, oh, one more thing! Apparently, Henry's parents might hate me now. Reason:
His cousin was looking through his phone and found this gem by me:
"Goodnight, penis monster."
And his cousin likes to get him in trouble.
So he told Henry's brother.
Who told his parents...
Yeah...

Hum... I think more happened over the week but I can't remember.
I have to start blogging daily again.

If I Ever Decide to Get Married, I Want Buttons All the Way to my Ass

Ah, went to get a fitting for my sister's wedding. The dress is gorgeous :). I also found the perfect graduation dress... for $250...

Fuck.

Ugh, major friend drama. Confusion. Shit.
I'll write about it when I'm ready.

Right now I'm not accepting any calls, but I'm really tempted to call this one number I don't know back.

Alice, I don't want any apologies/ explanations on this page. I'll talk to you later.

Probably going to watch a movie with my brother. Then Nat's if it's early enough. Faye's tomorrow.

Ugh.

ess bee tee (SBT) is MAN CANDY!

Ah, so this is a post dedicated to SBT. While I was eating at a Tex-Mex restaurant (OMGAH, I LIVE IN TEXAS!) with Natalie and Alice. We felt really bad because today we had this grandparent-ish day today where you get out early from school and they were coming over while Sam... wasn't. When she saw us leaving together, she made this really depressed face, but not a fake one so we made up a lie...
Poor Sam...

SBT is so freaking sexy, like you have no idea. He has these intense blue eyes and... YUM. (I know, this is creepy). Apparently, I'm like a huge flirt with him. I'm incredibly glad that he hasn't noticed... Anyway, I'm feeling really confident because he told me that my five hour all-nighter essay was "excellent, that took you like five hours right?"
slow nod
"So think about what would happen if you put a little bit of time for the next research paper everyday. You have a month."
nod again. "Um, yeah, I've tried that but I tend to procrastinate. And by then I'm just like 'fu...dge it, i'm too tired' and I go to sleep."
he kind of smiles when I catch myself. "I was like that too, trust me, you're digging yourself into a deep hole."
And more of an intense talk.

BLAH. It's not just that I think he's hot. It's like... I genuinely like him. Which sucks, considering our SIXTEEN YEAR age difference. Urgh. I hope he divorces his wife. WHO HE ONLY DATED FOR A MONTH BEFORE THEY GOT ENGAGED! Okay, okay, I have to get over this.

what goes up must come down.

in this case the thing coming back down is...

my life.



UGH. This is so stupid.

It may seem like I'm making a big deal about everything.

And to Nat and stuff, it probably does.
I agree, I probably am.



Gage told CHE, of all people, (Gage once told Che something KNOWING that Che would tell people in order to break up with Cherie) about the Taylor pictures.

I talked to Natalie about this during lunch and she's like, "Wait, what do you call him, fat, fatass, woman, chubby, chubbycheeks, what are the others?"

Basically, she said it like I deserved it.

Hello, GAGE CALLS ME STUFF BACK. Even if I don't react to his name calling as much, it isn't fucking justified.

Second of all Nat, I'm seriously wondering if you have some sort of secret hatred for me. (This isn't calling you out or anything, I could just be paranoid and this could just be your personality)

When I started this blog I promised myself I would write the truth. I was seriously debating not doing so because you and Syd are the only two people who I actually KNOW who are reading this. And y'all are huge parts of my life. I just got off the phone with you. And yeah, I feel sort of bad about this (and I don't expect you to change yourself or anything), but the whole excitement you get from Alice's sister's hatred for me kind of sets of an alarm. I can understand the whole Jordache thing, but I'm still sort of confused about this.



Reason why I'm pissed: I told Gage not to tell anyone about Taylor and also the m.o. session in P.E.

Somehow, people have already found out about both.

hmm...



Also, Calvin told Alice about how Gage & I have kissed more than once.

Result: This Text from Alice-

Ok. Confession time. Yesterday i found out how even after my sis called u n cussed u out about u having made out wit gage, u kept making out wit him, completely ignoring how hurt i had felt then. I had gotten over it, but when i found out yesterday that u didnt stop i got mad/sad all over again. I didnt think u'd do that 2 me. I started crying n all that other shit. B4 that, i had no intentions of getting revenge on you. But then i woke up evil, like seriously wanting 2 ruin your life. I seriously considered it but now I don't want 2. Because as pissed as i am at u i dont wanna do that. And about gage telling ppl about u 2 making out... U shouldnt have done it if u didnu want anyone 2 find out about it later. It was bound to happen. And i'm sorry that this is all happening to you. About ppl finding out and stuff. And i'm telling u rite now that i wont be able 2 trust u the same again like i did b4. I want u and gage 2 make up. I love you taff. And i don't want evryone 2 see you as something else 4 my own benefits. I cant think of the other things i was gonna tell you. React how ever you want to. I want you to be honest with me.

AHHHH! THIS TEXT PISSES ME OFF SO MUCH THAT YOU HAVE NO IDEA!Here Alice goes, being an amazing friend, and apologises for having RUDE THOUGHTS. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?NO!

Alice is amazing.

And the rest of my life has sort of gone to hell. And for some reason I
actually think I can talk to Henry about this crap. And I was coming
extremely close to telling him my feelings for him (before Gage decides to
pull and asshole stunt) even though I've made them so obvious that I'd
probably stop crushing on him if he hadn't realised them before I told him. (not really, i'd make up some excuse).
Hm... I had more to write about but then my mother had a freak out and I had to leave the computer in case she read this. Which would be extremely bad...Thank God I have friends outside of school.And Nat, I'm sorry if this seems bitchy and such and such and you probably don't have "cruel intentions" but i'm a retard.

every now and then, things make sense.

I have a new obsession:
Quizno's $2 Sammies.
Lovely lovely bites of joy!

Okay, so today was an okay day.
Henry has a baseball tournament both Friday AND Saturday (two other dances).
But, I cheered up considerably after one conversation with Gage.
The gist?
He pushed me off that one time because he didn't want me to feel his boner.
I DIDN'T BRING THIS UP, HE DID!
(I'm terribly afraid of confrontation)
hmm...
part of me wants to believe this so I can have a super huge ego again
part of me simply doesn't believe it at all.

We'll see.

I have re-established friendly connections with SBSG.
Or at least acquantance-y connections (at least now he doesn't think I hate him)
I asked him something about parties.

Okay, and NEW GUY.
Seriously homophobic/antihomosexual guy, but a hot one.
Keagan.
Myspace- messaging convos.

• Medium, shiny, brown hair
• tall
• fit
• flirty
• cheats on every girlfriend he has

I wonder how this will turn out.

I thought I had more to say, but I don't really.

Also, I love my friends.

Oh, and you should read:

FireWife by: Tinling Choong.

whatever lola wants...

lola gets.
or taffy gets :)
I GOT INTO BOARDING SCHOOL.
Even though my hips are all messed up and out of place, I managed to do a gran jete as soon as I heard.
Okay, well, I got into the one I actually wanted to go to.
The one that I wanted to get into to piss Harris off did not accept me, but I barely put any effort into that application sooooo...
:D
I'm so excited.
But slightly pissed. Natalie, if you're reading this, its because you and Alice called Gage behind my back and AFTER you managed to convince me to finally end the friendship, you caved and I had to talk to him. Also, I lied, I had been napping.
Idk, I feel like you should have let me handle this situation by myself. Sorry, I should have explained to you on the phone. All I said was that I didn't really want to talk to him, but I also got sort of pissed when you kept insisting that we talk.
so yeah, now I've forgiven him, but I think the friendship is now just a normal friendship. I can't tell if that makes he happy...
AUGH, IT WAS SO ANNOYING, THOUGH.
He kept trying to convince me that when we kissed I stuck in my tongue first, which is RIDICULOUS, because I know you're supposed to go into a kiss with your mouth closed.
Stupid Gage.

Oh, and I may have accidentally asked out Penn (accidentally, on purpose). I'm pretty sure he turned me down.
"Will you escort me to my sister's wedding?" (half kidding)
"... I don't know. I mean, YEAH! (overenthused with thumbs up)"
"Yeah, you'll forget."
"I probably will."

fin.

The good things are:

• I looked fantastic today. My hair was in place, et cetera. I even had energy despite the time change.
• Taylor initiated conversation and we spoke for like, three hours. Which made me extremely happy (he never starts the conversation).
• Sexy Boarding School Guy was talking to me as well....

Oh, God, SBSG. I feel like an idiot. As soon as I got back from physical therapy (awkward because I didn't have time to put on shorts and I was wearing a thong...), I texted him and was like:

I GOT IN! Come home so we can fuck.

.... Not the brightest thing I've ever done. At first I thought it would be funny and turn- on-ish, but now I don't know if he knows I'm kidding or not. He was like,"Congrats, We'll have plenty of time for that this sumer" (yes, he spelled summer wrong...). Perhaps he was kidding?
I don't know, I'm worried. Whatever, SBSG is smoking hot ;).

Sorry this post lacked so much structure, I'm in a state of bliss.

more about me and guidelines to ruining a weekend

I tend to fuck up often.
I rarely think
I rarely sleep.
and I am the worst possible friend one could have.
If you've been reading Natalie's blog, you know about Gage & Alice going out.
They broke up.
Which wouldn't be so bad, but me and Natalie set them up.
My "i fucked up" post was dedicated to Alice.


Shitty thing happened though, me and Gage frenched on Friday.
Today I realised that Alice still REALLY really likes him.
And I don't even.
I need to start thinking.
I had stuff to say, but I think I'm going to start posting interesting stuff later on.
Oh, so here are the guys I'm forced (not really, I create my own drama) to choose between.

• Taylor- I've sent naked pictures to him. Yes, this is stupid, but remember, I don't think. And i've seen parts of him that... I probably should have waited to see when I'm older. However, he lives a couple thousand miles away, and oh, did I mention that he's a high school senior? We text for at least an hour each day, which is bad because I haven't actually spoken to him since this summer.
• Red- We met over the internet. That is the first time and only time I'm doing that. He is incredibly amazing to talk to and we've already established our liking of each other. He could just be playing me though. I've never met him (number one bad thing). I have spoken to him via webcam and the phone so, I don't quite know what else to say.
• Sexy Boarding School Guy- I'm trying to get into a boarding school. I know him through Natalie because their parents are friends. We text but not a lot. I've told him that I think he's hot and he asked me out. Sort of. Except I think he gets annoyed with me so we'll see.

You may have noticed that Gage is not on the list, this is because our relationship is purely physical and he's actually my best friend.

Hopefully my posts will be better from now on.

a cheerful rant

FUCK.
Okay, I wrote this then everything got deleted...
Ew.
Anyways, I'm going to try to start over.
My friends are amazing, (the first thing I realised). I can't believe that you've forgiven me (again and again and again) for major fuck ups and idk. I'm sorry I didn't end up leaving the fish in your locker but me and natalie decided that doing so might end badly... I had more to say on this, (not the fish part) but since it all got erased, I can't remember.
Guadalajara was really fun and me & natalie & barbie will rock this shit. Spain will be like... idk. My main goal is the non- rape thing. I really don't have anything else to say on this subject except for how excited I am. (Spain). At Guadalajara, I pretty much just pigged out... and I also figured out, I don't fucking care if you call me a food-taking slut. I like to eat. And just because my idea of flirting with a guy isn't freaking out about the bones in his arm (NO JOKE), doesn't mean that you can call me that. I mean, seriously? I haven't been sucking people off or anything and y'all are always like... "oh, making out is so gross" and believe me, high school is going to SUCK for you. Also, I don't know how the hell you can say the previous with a straight face. Y'all are the ones making up rumors about shit that nobody has even done, I mean, some of the stuff that comes out of your mouths, seriously? (this is a rant, don't judge me) And the only reason I'm writing this is because I know none of y'all have myspaces. Thank God. Baha, I just read over and found like... twenty "y'all"s.
This week has been... oh God. Okay, so I started out thinking it would be extraordinary, then stuff went wrong (solely my fault, if you blame yourself, you're wrong), then today was pretty much... wonderful. But I'm so past this. This is the end of my decade or whatever at small private school and I'm going to live this however I want to. I really don't care what people say anymore because if this ends in social ruin (which it most likely will), I only have to endure it for like... two months. Not that bad.
Okay, so I realised, I'm super confused. And I need to make up for my fuck ups but oh well. I talked to most of you about this last week. I need to be able to make these freaking decisions even though I already know the answers. But oh, guess what? NOW THERE'S A THIRD. Okay, so nobody will probably get what I'm talking about but messaging would be nice :). Still, two probably aren't an option and one was probably not serious. Still can't figure it out? I realise I'm being semi- cryptic, but I don't know what to say. I'm supposed to be writing an Ethics essay, dammit.
This has been a disgustingly crappy blog, but I feel so much better now. LONG LIVE THE BEE-AYETCHES! And fuck you, Cranberries.
(yes, there's nicknames)