This Cameron Kid is WEIRD!

So there's this kid named Cameron.
He's like... Manny or Henry's friend or something like that.

Anyway, today he called me twice
(hung up twice)
and I got annoyed to the point where I called (got voicemail saying that it was Cameron). Then texted.

Here's our convo.
Don't ask me why I played along.

Me: Um, who is this? even though I already knew
Cameron: Ur secret sex buddy.
Me: Exciting.
Cameron: I no it will be.
Me: So how do you have my number?
Cameron: Y does it matter. Wat position do u like?
Me: Cowgirl.
Cameron: Sweet. I like anything thats painful 4 u.
Me: Great.
Cameron: Will u deep throught it?
Me: Nope.
Cameron: Damn. Well che tld me 2 ask. Where and wat time. And wat kind of condom do u want me 2 bring. obviously this kid knows people from our school, che is like this ongoing joke between everyone in the grade. except for che. who thinks people like him...
Me: Depends how big your dick is. Che is one hot hunk of man meat, are you sure you can beat that?
Cameron: Yea. I got an 8 incher.
Me: Ches is an eight and a half. Sorry, bud.
Cameron: How wide?
Me: 2.
Cameron: 3. More pain.
Me: How does that benefit me?
Cameron: Bigger orgasm and biger (SBSG IN THE MAKING?) 2 suck along w more pain.
Me: Lie.
Cameron: ?
Me: You Don't get a bigger orgasm from a bigger cock. It depends on the user.
Cameron: Well its more painful. GOD, What is this kid's sick obsession with pain?!
Me: Doesn't benefit me. Sorry, but i'm going to have to decline your offer.
Cameron: How doesnt that benefit you?
Me: Pain= not awesome.
Cameron: Thats the point of having sex. Ur supposed 2 do it so hard that u cry.
Me: Wow, I feel stupid.
Cameron: Yea so tonight im not goin 2 stop till ur bleeding and crying.
Me: I already declined.
Cameron: Well ur room works.
Me: What does that have to do with anything?
Cameron: That way you dnt have to do any work.
Me: How sweet of you.
Cameron: Yea. Start geting (sbsg) the ropes ready.
Me: Cuffs. Ropes blister.



This kid is a freak.
Any suggestions?
(and I know I should stop texting him but I don't want to look weak, so other suggestions)

Cliffs Notes- Spain

Okay, so everything I have to say about Spain is really quick because as you may have guessed, I am still lazy. Therefore I'm not going to take the time I should to write about events in Spain. I will give you a quick overview though :).


+Cam & I shared friendly pecks about twenty times.
+I got into an argument with my teacher (to the point where I started yelling and hyperventilating)
+Apparently Henry called and texted me multiple times while I was in Spain.
+Gage kissed a couple of ninth graders on the plane
+Barbie broke up with Gage
+That same night, Gage made out with a ninth grader three times
+Two days before the trip was over, Barbie & Gage reconnected.
+I met a bartender in his late twenties who still doesn't know how old I am
+I ate snails (shrieking each time... which probably gets a little annoying after 20 snails)
+My teacher called me desperate
+I met about twenty people
+I actually started talking to some people who I haven't spoken to all year
+I made connections with ninth graders
+I have an obsession with Portuguese tour guides named Tiago

That may be it.

Oh, well I have a cheerful anecdote for you to take with you after you're done reading this post:

In Barcelona, I met a group of people in our hotel. Basically, we sat outside in my hallway talking for about two hours. One of the kids started smoking and then was like, "Yeah, I haven't smoked pot in about a week". I didn't really know how to respond (our school is MEGA straightedge) so I went, "GOOD JOB! (enthusiastic thumbs up, smile w/ mouth open)".
Then, the girl went, "Yeah, I stopped smoking about a month ago. Turns out the pot my dealer was selling me was laced with coke". This totally freaked me out. Which explains my next reaction, "Oh, darn-o!"


Hope this brightened your day.

GOT HOME YESTERDAY!

And that's about it.
I was really awake.

Up until 10.00 when I crashed.

Anyway, lots of stuff happened in Spain and Nat will probably write about it.
I am much too tired.
Slash lazy.

Today I Became a Woman

Okay, not really.
But I did decide to exfoliate my armpits.

Stupid, stupid, STUPID idea.

They hurt like fuck right now. Wait, no, that's not right, fucking is probably a lot less painful than the burning sensation I'm feeling on my armpits.
I'm not even kidding.
But seriously, what kind of idiot decides to pumice their armpits?
WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING!

Do they sell Band- aids in Spain? Because I have a feeling that they're gonna start bleeding at any second.

On a lighter (actually darker and shittier) note, I found out that my dad cheated on my mom. Jesus Christ, I can't even look at him right now. I was out with my sister most of the day. I started thinking about this maybe a week ago (my sister was still in New York).

Basically, I have this vague memory of some woman who wasn't my mother closing the door of my parents' room in our old house in the suburbs. I have another memory of this same woman teaching me how to make a bracelet and me liking her, a lot. The last memory is what I think made my mother find out.

We were sitting in the car and this woman was in the front seat. My mother was fucking dropping her off at a hotel for God's sake! I don't know how the conversation came up, but my mother mentioned something about her staying in our guest room. To this I replied, "No, she stayed in you and daddy's room!".

Ugh.

I know that I have issues with my mom, but honestly, I think I love her most out of all the people in my family. And in case I haven't actually described my issues with my mother in this blog, Natalie knows that it goes much deeper than normal teenage angst. My father needs her so much more than she needs him! God, he's just so particular, but she doesn't think he can do any wrong. The problem is, neither does he. I bet you that he probably doesn't think that he did anything bad!

After I asked my sister about this at lunch today, she was talking about a conversation she had with my father. He was talking about what would happen if Frank ever strayed, and she said that he told her not to get too angry or leave him because IT IS JUST IN MEN'S NATURE! What the hell kind of asshole excuse is that? It's not like every living breathing male has the right or even the need to cheat.

God, I'm so glad I'm leaving tomorrow.
I guess I still have to pack, huh?

P.S. I swatted down a wasp's nest using AT&T Yellow Pages. I was scared shitless the whole time.

HOLY MONKEY!

SPAIN IS IN TWO DAYS!
AAHHHHH!

I just went to a food tasting for my sister's wedding.

Not much to say.

Hopefully today isn't too awkward for Natalie.

Major Confusion to the SBSG Level

SBSG has reestablished contact.
Which is kind of annoying considering he deletes my wall posts on Facebook.

Humm... I am the booty call in the closet.

More like booty text?

Anyway, I got this text from him today (not really exciting)

"Hey are you in town"
(at three in the morning)

Ugh, my reply is idiocy on the fifth level.

"Indeed I am"
but that's how I talk.
my problem is that I replied.

My Neighbor is HOT!

I JUST REALISED THIS AS I WAS IN THE ELEVATOR THIS MORNING!
OH MY GOD!
HE IS GORGEOUS! (for an Asian)

And he's a doctor!
Okay, enough ranting about my neighbor (who looks about 25 :/)

IT'S SYDNEY'S BIRTHDAY!
HURRAH!

I celebrated this at Nat's house at two in the morning.
I ran up and down her street ass naked.
It was pretty cool man.

I think this was the result of the three cups of black coffee I had.

Eventually Nat had to give me tums.

Nat, Alice, Sydney, and I went to a restaurant and ordered kickass steak.
(I did most of the ordering)
And I had the whole "I have this situation HANDLED" attitude DOWN!
Until we started talking about STDs and I commented on gnarly Gonnorhea.
Yuppp.

Happy Birthday Sydney Sex Monkey.

The Result of my Fear of Rape

Ah, sorry about the boring posts lately.
Hopefully this will entertain you!

I was walking my dog and it was like... 9:30 in the evening.
I live downtown so I'm always afraid people are going to attack me and stuff...
A car drives up to me and the passenger window slowly roles down.

(my heart is beating really loudly at this point)
Random Stranger: Hey, we're Dominoes.
Me: GOOD FOR YOU! (quickly paces away)
Light turns Green
Taffy realises that the Random Stranger asked "Where's Dominoes"

Me: WAIT! WAIT! SORRY! I DON'T KNOW! I DON'T KNOW!
(while running)

But by then they're already driving off.

Ah, yeah, I probably looked like a psycho bitch.