I'm Leaving (pt. II)

So I'm off to New York tomorrow.

We have to do some shopping for winter clothes before my three long months in Connecticut...

I had a goodbye dinner with Alice, Sydney, and Natalie tonight. It was good, the food and such. It wasn't really sad until I said goodbye to each of them. The dinner itself was actually kind of awkward. I still didn't feel like I got enough time to say what I wanted to say to each of them so... I guess I'll say it here?

Um... I'll ask that you only read your message but I doubt that would do any difference. I love each of you equally, though.

Alice- We have been friends for the shortest amount of time, but I feel like I have known you for a while. Our friendship has had many up and downs for a relatively short period of time, but our ups are the best... and we get over our downs with a little bit of cussing and such. I love you so much and I wish I could be at your Quince! I'm glad you are having fun at St. Paul's. Seriously, all of the stuff about popularity... BULLSHIT. I just want you to be happy. I want you to find friends who understand you and love you as much as Natalie, Sydney, and I did. We weren't the most popular, however, we had the most fun BY FAR of any fucking group in our grade. You will go so far in life, just remember me when you do.

Sydney- I think I've been friends with you for the longest if you don't include the period of time where you left our cozy little school. And when you first came back with your bitter attitude towards me due to a previous scissor fight... I'm sorry I get annoyed with you over little things. Actually, you are the best. Ever. Seriously, I don't think those fucking ribbons would get any use without you spaztically waving them all over the place. I can't believe you're almost getting taller than  me! I can tell everything to you without you judging. You're like my own crazy doctor. Eventually, I'll begin trying to bum Adderall off of you, and it's up to you to tell me no. I'll miss your talkativeness and ability to un-awkardize any moment. Thank you for always being an amazing friend to me, even when I'm being a freak. And thank you for always rationalizing situations and telling me the truth when I need it. Keep up the art, you faggot.

Natalie- We became friends over your (and now my) Angry Friend's love of popcorn. Medium-length. Although, I think we've gone through a lot. Sorry for the ending of this summer, it was weird. And I don't think our friendship will ever go back to the way it was. But that isn't exactly a bad thing... We're stronger. I'll miss you so much, you have no idea. It was hard not to cry in front of you while we were saying goodbye but I didn't want you to be sad while you were in the car. I really hope that I'll find someone else I can talk about boobs with so lightly, but I doubt that will happen. And for some reason, I'm also okay with that. Because that is something that's so signaturely you. I'll also miss the awkward, unintentional boob grazes, and also the equally awkward, intentional boob hits. Hopefully the five bajillion (just kidding, maybe like... three) kids you have in the future won't have a problem breast feeding (sorry, I couldn't help that). You'll make a great mom. And homemaker.

So yeah.

Suck it.

(said to all three)

Thank Gage!

James called just to talk.

Gage didn't come... but neither did Calvin.

Instead, Barbie and I watched Crossroads. (aka the best movie EVER)

I'm packing for boarding school now...

Short post, man!

Bitchslutmistress

So today I went and saw the Dark Knight for the third time.

It's still an amazing movie.

I was with Jas, a couple of my SPS friends (Alice's school), and James, who is one of Jas' best friends' boyfriends (and also one of my friends). It was cool.

Except for when James kissed me.

No worries, it was just a peck.

But still...

I texted Taylor about feeling like a bitchslutmistress.

His response?

"ya..."

I'm Leaving

So the cool thing about boarding school is that the week before you leave is packed. It's nice feeling busy :). And loved. (no, I'm not depressed or anything).

Even though my roommate sucks. And hates neon colours.

(SERIOUSLY, what's up with that?)

Anyway, I'm going to hang out with Calvin this Monday. Which I would be excited about if it wasn't for what I'm going to tell you next.

I had discussed Calvin's coming over with him over the phone. Essentially, the three big points are that a. natalie's 5-foot-1-ex's mom would have to drop him off; b. that or both him & gage & calvin would have to come; and c. I DO NOT WANT GAGE TO COME.

Seriously, ever since he started high school, Gage has become an even bigger asshole than normal! He's cockier (was I stupid to assume it would get better?) and a lot more annoying. So yeah, I no longer even have an odd affection for him. I just don't like him. At all. I am going to fucking kill that kid.

Anyway, he texted me on Friday.

Gage: Hey! WHATS UP!!! he's rarely this enthusiastic

Me: Not much. Um, I have to go pack. Bye. bullshit. i was walking around aimlessly through stein mart.

Gage: Why have you been so moody towards me lately?

Me: I haven't been. I do seriously need to pack, though. I'm leaving in a week.

Gage: I know, so when are we going to hang out?

Me: Um, I'm really busy all weekend. 

Gage: Can't you squeeze me in?

Me: I'll see you at the yearbook signing.

Gage: Wat about Monday?

Me: eyes widened... You talked to Calvin?

Gage: Ya

Me: Ha.

no reply...

Me: If you want to come monday, come monday.

Gage: Okay.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN "OKAY"?

DON'T YOU GET THE FUCKING HINT?!

Oh, yes, he does!

I got Sydney to text him about it.

What I've learned:

+he knows we're not fighting and that I just dislike him

+he's not actually kidding about coming

+he knows I don't want him there

+he's coming just to say "bye"

+he's probably staying for as long as Calvin is

And on top of this, I'm trying to help Taylor decide his major!

Argumentation?

Yeah, I sort of told my mother that I hoped she would die in a car crash.

Progress is back in the negative numbers.

Jesus Christ, what the fuck is wrong with me?

If I had a Restaurant

I'd name it Nosh.

Seriously, that's all that I was thinking about last night.

I was sitting in my bed, going "nosh nosh nosh nosh nosh nosh nosh".

It was pretty entertaining.

I have a newfound love of ska music.

Oh, by the way, there's a large hole in the wall of my closet.

And there are these two guys downstairs who hit on me while I was walking my dog... One was hot. 

I Didn't Even Get Any Freaking Cake

Hey, thank you to all of my readers for being awesome!

Sorry for not being able to comment on any of your pages recently, it's been kinda hectic  considering:

LIVIA AND FRANK JUST GOT MARRIED!

I was rather excited.

During the days leading up to the wedding, I basically sat around for hours on end tying bows, bows, glorious bows. (which pretty much all came undone during the reception) ((wich was gorgeous)). It was all pretty surreal.

I was promoted from and demoted to the title "Juniour Bridesmaid" multiple times. By the time everything was over, I was still left a tad confused.

Way before the ceremony, we had gotten our hair and makeup done. My lovely hairstylist, Sukie, and I had a great conversation. It was nice. Afterward, I was mistaken for an 18 year old multiple times. (compliments are the best ever)

Livia was pretty stressed out for most of the day.

Soon, it was time for the ceremony. I cried during the beginning, although it never really hit me. Then... nothing. Afterward, I bustled Livia's dress and we hopped into the limo to drive to the reception. I think I minorly screwed up while I was walking to the alter.

We arrived at the tower the reception was being held in and were immediately whisked into a bar area. It was nice that we got to avoid the crowds, but that also ruined my chances of making something at the candy bar. Then, they introduced all of the wedding party, we stood in the back while Livia and Frank danced their first dance as a married couple. I was seated at a really awkward table with a bunch of Asians. I made friends with these two sisters who were next to me but everyone else at that table... sucked.

There was this one [unhot] guy who made several comments under his breath. Eventually, i got agitated and went:

"sorry, what?"

"...nothing"

"no. say it."

"it's no big deal."

"seriously, i won't get pissed off."

...

"otherwise i'll just think you're a pussy."

(all around "OOOHHH"s from the table)

"i asked if it was middle school" (the conversation was right after i said i was going to boarding school)

"oh. nope"

Later on, he said something else.

"(quiet)"

"what, sorry, i can't hear you."

"(a little louder)"

"speak up"

("ooooohhhh")

"you're very vulgar"

"thank you, fucktard"

Sometimes I rub people the wrong way.

I've become a lot more... confrontational than I was before this summer. Mostly with people that don't know me well. Hopefully, I can establish this personality at boarding school so I won't have to deal with always being polite and dealing with crap that I don't want to deal with. Seriously, y'all should try it, it's nice.

As a result of the awkward conversations above, I left my table frequently to talk to other people outside of the room.

One of those people was Mark.

Mark is Frank's best man.

Mark is amazing.

Mark is 28 years of age.

He's not like Jake, who is another one of Frank's close friends (remember, rodeo?). Jake is just a talented conversationalist with a sex god accent. But although I am somewhat attracted to him (and I can stay in conversation with him for hours) ((which happened at the rehearsal dinner)), he is more of an older brother figure to me (I've fallen asleep on him multiple times).

Mark is different.

He's not particularly attractive.

Slightly balding (like SBT). Math obsessive (has a PhD).

I'm not saying that he's unnatractive, either.

In [great] shape. Piercing blue eyes.

It works for him.

Throughout the night, I found myself constantly drawn to him. We shared looks from across the room, one would eventually gravitate toward the other, we would talk. He's hilarious. He speaks well. He's honest. He challenges me. Jesus, I don't even have a clue anymore.

He also has issues. Mark's been on antidepressants for the past five years. His prescription is so high that he's constantly twitchy. Sometimes I just want to slap him and be like, STOP, which I ended up doing at some point during the night. At first meeting, he's slightly awkward. He's a lot more blunt than some prefer, either that, or really quiet. He's chill with his friends, though. His students, as well. And people he likes. Not really with people he doesn't know if he likes (which explains awkward first meetings). He gets nervous in front of large groups of people... unless he's buzzed... which he was when he gave his toast. Of course, it was a smash hit (his personality is... complex. a shitload of people stopped us mid-conversation to commend him for it). he was really good for when I was feeling antisocial.

We slow danced twice. The second dance was a disaster:

+half-drunken turns

+PJ faux- making out with him from behind...

Certainly nothing is going to happen, though. I haven't completely lost my mind. But it's times like this that I truly wish I was older instead of just appealing to older men.

So now I'm going to stop gushing about Mark so I can talk about PJ

First of all, PJ is weird. 

+He gave Frank a machete for his 25th birthday

+He had a switchblade in his pocket during the whole wedding (I saw it)

+He collects knives

+And guns

But he's funny weird. He's so outrageous that people just forgive him for it. No one seems to figure out that he does it for the attention. Everyone loves him, though. Even Alexis Bledel (who used to be a geek, keep that in mind) once had a crush  on PJ. 

I gave PJ Che's phone number.

Can't wait to see where that goes :)

By the end of the night, I felt pretty much dead. Mark and I were just sitting off to the side and talking. Eventually, a bunch of Frank's other friends joined the conversation. Including PJ. Our convo was interesting. I left feeling a lot more... educated? They're interesting people,  though. We got together to pose for a picture, when all of a sudden, PJ goes:

"Someone should grab Taffy's ass!"

About a second later, I feel it.

I glance over at PJ and he's laughing his ass off...

After the reception was over, when Livia & Frank drove off in their limo, I was basically left to clean up the mess. All of the REAL bridesmaids seemed to have already untagged themselves as "it". Jake helped me load everything into the limo at twelve and he escorted me back home in it. Even so, I was majorly pissed off.

Sorry for the uberlong post.

Tree- Pruning as Therapy

Today I basically chopped off a bunch of tree leaves.
I didn't know that doing so could be so... depressing.
Actually, it's a really thoughtful process.
I've grown a lot in the past 12 hours, I think.




My mother and I are forming a closer relationship.
It's been like a week since I've cursed at her (baby steps, baby steps).


Hopefully, this summer I can figure everything out.
Nat- I want to be a better friend.

Yo Homies

I now own three pairs of dress pants.


Gross.


Sorry, not much has happened lately.
(translation- taffy is a loser)

Hanging with Nat tomorrow! (i think)
And Syd yesterday night.
(she ate 5 cinnamon rolls)

ALICE CALL ME!



Love you all :)

In Case You Were Wondering...

Copied from Cady's Blog.

ABOUT YOU:
001. real name → y'all know me as Taffy :)
002. nickname → taff?
003. single or taken → single
004. zodiac sign → saggitarius
005. male or female → female.
006. elementary → it's anonymous :)
007. middle → anonymouuuuuuuuuuussss (same school)
008. highschool → boarding school in connecticut.
010. long or short → long nails. long hair. long.
011. are you a health freak → god, that would make everything more convenient.
012. height → 5'3...
013. do you have a crush on someone → multiple.
014. do you like yourself → occasionally.
015 piercings → ears.
016. tattoos → eventually.
017. righty or lefty → right.


FIRSTS:
018. first surgery → can't really think of any.
019. first piercing → eight.
020. first best friend → Kerri!
021. first award → best in class, chinese school :)
022. first sport you joined → chinese dance
023. first pet → fish. moon-star or something?
024. first vacation → taiwan, probably
025. first concert → aaron carter! (it was free and we were driving to florida, this was after he was uncool)
026. first crush → Morgan :)

CURRENTLY:
027. eating → cereal?
028. drinking → milk...
029. i'm about to → sit on the computer/ hang with sydney.
030. listening to → dig- incubus
031. wearing → cheap-o tank top, adidas shorts.
032. mood → chillfrustrated.

YOUR FUTURE:
033. want kids → nope.
034. want to get married → probably not...
035. careers in mind? → anything that lets me slack. oh god, this is how i begin my life as... shit.
036. see yourself in 4 years → legal.
037. college → harvard. (probably not, too much... work)

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?:
038. lips or eyes → eyes. blue.
039. hugs or kisses → kisses.
040. shorter or taller → tall. er.
041. romantic or spontaneous → spontaneous.
042. nice stomach or nice arms → how can you have one without the other?
043. sensitive or loud → loud? what is that... like... drunk?
044. hook-up or relationship → hook-ups are fun. so are relationships... i like both.
045. trouble maker or hesitant → trouble maker.

HAVE YOU EVER: (god, this made me feel so unaccomplished)
046. kissed a stranger → hahahaha
047. drank bubbles → um... yeah?
048. lost glasses/contacts → nope.
049. ran away from home → for like an hour...
050. broken any bones → nope.
051. broken someone's heart → nope.
051. been arrested → nope.
052. turned someone down → roy, henry s., pierce (the second and third time)... wow, 2008 is the year of the turn- downs!
053. cried when someone died → yes.
054 liked a friend → all the time :) (male friends, MALE FRIENDS)
055. drank egg nog → actually, never.
056. gone to therapy → ha, once.
057. played spin the bottle → spin the phone?
058. toilet papered someone's house → aww, i used to all the time.
059. liked someone but never told them → ha, yes!
060. spied on someone → hehehe.
061. stolen anything → oh god... i went through a shoplifting phase when i was ten.
062. gone camping → utah, colorado, GIRL SCOUTS (YES!)
063. had a crush on your sister's friend → heh, yes. except they're all twice my age.
064. gone to a nude beach → espana, baby.
065. gone streaking → god, YES. (nat!)
066. had a stalker → oh, the stalkers... just sort of roy. i'm usually the stalker.
067. gone skinny dipping → every summer.
068. laughed so hard you cried → mhmm mhmm mhmm. then peed :)
069. gone to a party → NOOOOO.
070. been in love → been in... obsession mode :)
071. felt betrayed by your best friend → sometimes. it's usually a misunderstanding.
072. lied to your parents → frequently.
073. been out of the us → yup
074. thrown up from working out → nope. dry-gagged...
075. gotten a haircut so bad that you wore hat → hahah, gave myself a haircut so bad... wait, no, it was a "bang trim"
076. 3 meals from 3 different fast food places → ?
077. done anything hurtful to your classmate → hahaha, oh god, the sam yin-yang sign.
078. been cheated on by someone → um... halfway? not really.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
079. yourself → at times.
080. miracles → yes yes yes yes.
081. love at first sight → lust at first sight.
082. heaven → i don't know.
083. santa clause → i wish.
084. angels → i don't know.
085. kissing on the first date → yes yes yes yes.
086. sex before marriage → um... yes?

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
087. is there one or more people you want to be with right now → kind of halfway.
088. had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time → nope :)
089. do you believe in God → ...

FAVORITES:
090. smell → special shirt :)
091. sound → i have to hear it to know... rain, i think.
092. movie → fight club
093. clothing item → mens' long sleeved, button-down shirts.
094. clothing store → i don't really have one.

RANDOM:
095. still talk with the first person you dated → not really (morgan), never (dylan)
096. are you obsessed with someone → my readers know.
097. best thing about your job → none. (no job, if i actually went than... money?)
098. like more than one person right now → kind of sort of.
099. any compliments today → haven't really seen anyone today.
100. next vacation → new york!
101. friends guys or girls → friends.
102. own any furniture from ikea → a couple of chairs...
103. last book you read → breaking dawn
104. super power → mind reading.
105. lived most of your life → texas.
106. why is the sky blue → ions or some shit.
107. last song you listened to → drive- incubus...
108. if you could be anywhere right now where would it be → room 417
109. mood atm → still chillfrustrated. kind of sick.
110. plans for tomorrow → shopping?
111. last time you slept for more then 12 hours → a week ago.

Today

was a good day.

What do you think?

I Wish You Were Here- Incubus

My Hands Smell Like Butterpiss

Today I went to the mall with Bex. 

We were supposed to go to Fitzgerald's, but turns out no one was playing. That would have been awkward...

It was fun. We shopped for like, the first hour, and went on a quest to find the perfect pair of Rainbows. I like the thin straps in the lightest colour. Nordstroms, Pac Sun, and Journey's didn't have the ones I want! Geez, I almost killed someone.

Eventually we got tired so we went to eat at Chick- Fil- A. I decided to get the "new" chick-n strips (or whatever). They taste exactly like the old ones... Next time I'm getting nuggets. Then we went to this furniture display and sat in the bunk beds. Then we got kicked out. By a sassy black man.

Oh, and I was supposed to meet up with IDG... 

Here's how it went:

I texted him Monday night asking him if he was free.

Response? "I might be doing something extremely sexy and important. I'll try to squeeze you in".

Oh goodie.

Tuesday I asked him if he knew anything about Fitz.  Short convo about that...

Today our conversation went:

Me: I'm at the [mall] from 3 till... Idk. Are you?

Me: Idk is seven.

constant phone checking...

By six, I was fed up.

Me: [FIRST NAME] [LAST NAME]! Please quit being an ass face (albeit an attractive one) for an hour.

I was not at all prepared for the response.

IDG: What? I'm busy. What do you want?

heart palpitations...

Me: Oh, sorry, thought you were just being suckish.

IDG: And I cant really go anywhere. I have no car here.

Me: Um, yeah, sorry for pissing you off. Promise not to bother you in a while.

This is where we got kicked off the bunk beds.

"Wait, you aren't allowed to sit up here?"

"NOOOOOOOO!" (said in sassy, saucy black voice)

Bex and I ended up in Limited Too... buying candy.

I was ranting about my newfound hatred of IDG.

(which I do frequently, apparently)

when-

IDG: Not botherin. Just making impossible requests.

Taffy jumps up into the air and squeals. Bex shakes head.

Me: That makes me feel better. I think. maybe ill visit you tomorrow but you have to tell me when youre free, cos non replies bug the crap out of me.

Two hours later

IDG: Working from 1 to 5.

I honestly don't know what to think anymore.

I should start writing about cats.

Things I Don't Enjoy Waking Up to

1 new message.

roy: whatsupppp

get the hint, douche bag.

He has successfully ruined one of the most joyous things in life. I used to love text messages...

My Boys are Back

Thank you all for the trunk suggestions!


It seems that just when I want to give up, that's when things start looking... up. Jesus, I need a new vocabulary. I'll look up synonyms later.

Anyway, Penn & I had a conversation all of yesterday where he was sweet and awesome and et cetera. And still taken. But at least he's talking (and back from diabetes camp). Penn and I had just finished our conversation when, lo and behold, IDG reappeared!

"Not really. You're entertaining :) But Im gone this week. Till monday."
I was confused for a good three minutes until I read all of my sent texts. I think the last one was sent out of desperation, "Seriously, don't you get annoyed?"

So now I'm slightly pissed off. Cos I'm screwing with him but now he's... screwing back. (and I told him this and how uncool it was). Response?
"Well next week we can continue screwing each other ;) For now though, Im out of town." Yes, I figured out the sexual undertones in this (pahaha), but what y'all need to understand is that right now, I'm just looking for some fun. I think. And IDG is a beautiful man to enjoy oneself with.

WOW. I'm really inarticulate today. But y'all get the gist, right?

Oh, and Roy (who I had a crush on for a slight period in time...) is nonstop texting and being annoying and not taking the fucking hint. Ask Nat or Syd.
"Want to go shopping"
"No."
"Lol, okay, maybe tomorrow ;P"
JESUS!
Crushes on Asians never end well.
(and I'm allowed to crack this joke for, I, myself, am an Asian)


Happy Hunting.

HELP

I need a trunk for boarding school.
Do any of y'all know where I can find a cute one?
(and Louis Vuitton ones are GORGEOUS, but they're like 2500)