Starting Over

I've read over a couple of my old posts.

They're too depressing to handle.

You can find me at the same URL (blather-a-la-taffy.blogspot.com).

Hope you keep reading.

Love,

Taffy.

Contemplation of Some Sort

I made my first snow angel today.

I plopped down right in the middle of a school sidewalk and made a God damn snow angel.

The weather outside is fantastic, my desk in our room is right in front of our window seat and I can see the snow falling quickly outside. It's covering everything in this fine, powdery whiteness.

My toes were about to freeze off earlier. I was wearing my favourite pair of flats which I use so often that there's a little hole in the bottom. They sound disgusting, but they really aren't, promise. Anyway, I love being able to see the tracks everyone makes and the whiteness everywhere. It makes me feel so anonymous. I wrote the word dildo in caps on the windshield of someone's car.

I realised also that I'm halfway through my schoolyear here.

It's gone by so quickly.

I'm not ready for it to end, but I always look forward to the next break.

I'm worried about next year, everyone says that usually, your friends change from freshman year. And I really don't want it to be like that. I also feel myself drifting away from friends back home, and not really knowing what to do about it. I'm not exactly sad, yet, just nostalgic. Because it's inevitable.

Me me me me me.

"The world becomes such a romantic notion when I think about the asteroid headed our way."

Happiness is Bottled

I'd explain the title, but then I'd sound like an alkie.
(i'll probably read this over in the future and realise i sound like a four year old).

Anyway, I was recently tagged by the ever-fantastic Ana. So I will:
Share 6 things that make me happy.
Tag 6 bloggers that make me happy.

1. Sitting in cars. I seriously think that I'm anti-claustrophobic. I love it when it's raining outside and you're all cozy in a moving car. I know there's a lot of shitty drivers and stuff on the road, but I just feel so safe. Cars are amazing.
(Cars- Fear Factory)
2. Hair pulling during a hookup. I don't know if it's the somewhat masochistic side of me, but something about it is so hot. Okay, except when hair actually gets pulled out... then it looks like you're a shedder.
(Crazy Bitch- Buckcherry)
3. TJ Moss. I love this man. He is incredibly sweet and he has an incredible voice. I promised to text him next time I'm in the city and we'll get Dunkin Donuts, even if no one ever goes for the donuts anymore.
(It's Over- TJ Moss)
4. Neopets. In the fourth grade, I used to wake up in the middle of the night just so I could play Neopets on our family computer. If you've never played, I would start now. I don't even know what's so amazing/ addictive about it. It's like FaceBook, but BETTER! Neopets is life.
(The Neopets Song)
5. Having deep red nails. I once read an article in an etiquette book about this being the worst colour to paint your nails. It said something about red being the colour of blood symbolising savageness. I don't know about you, but there's definitely something incredibly sensual about that.
(Whatever Lola Wants- Sarah Vaughan [Gotan Project Remix])
6. Numbers that don't involve 6. It isn't even a superstitious thing. I don't even think the number 6 is ugly! I just think it shouldn't be there.
(When You're Evil- Voltaire)

6 Bloggers

1. Karine. A fantastic writer, and always so sweet.
2. Mary Kate. I love the random tidbits on her blog.
3. Raspberry. Always so down to earth.
4. Jocelyn. Pretty much all I need to know about the college experience.
5. Aren. I read this when I need some time to just think.
6. Cate. Great taste in music.

So I finally called out this really hot teacher (I WISH I was in his class) at my school for not knowing my name. It wasn't that random, I mean, we stop and have conversations and stuff, I've just never introduced myself to him. And I know that. I think he just thought that he forgot my name...
The conversation:

Me: Hey!

Him: Hey there (said completely normally, not like he's searching for a name)! How was your break?

Me: It was really good. I got to see all the people I wanted to see.

Him: That's good. How are you?

Me: I'm doing well. You don't know my name.

Him: What? Of course I do.

Me: Um, no, you really don't.

Him: Well, why don't you tell me again, to remind me, ya know?

Me: It's Taffy.

Him: Cool, well I'll remember that. So what's up?

Me: Not much. Um... this is an incredibly awkward conversation. I'll talk to you later.

Sorry I've Been Gone!

Dear Extremely Cool People,

Okay, so I'm so sorry I haven't been reading and commenting on your posts recently! I've just been really busy since I've been back in Houston and the only time I use the internet is to sign on to Facebook to create plans. (and Neopets, shhhh).
But yeah, normality will be reinstored this Sunday (or the Tuesday of that week).



HAPPY NEW YEAR!



Lurr,
Taffy.

Questionable

My mother:
"I don't know how healthy this is. I want to get her drunk under our surveillance so she see drinking is not good. So she see what happens."


Yeah, right, like I would EVER voluntarily get drunk in front of my parents.
This is why I need to stop asking for alcohol at family dinners.

I'm Home!

We'll see how this works out.
Sorry that you guys have to keep commenting on the same post, I just have nothing particularly interesting to write about.
(i love my friends, but i personally think it's more fun to read about misfortunes)

Holiday Ball

Not much to say.
Apparently I looked a tad like a blow-up doll?

(I'm the type who would take this as an enormous compliment).

Sandstorm was like a fucking mosh pit.
Not fun in 4& 1/2 inch heels.
Except still extremely, unbelievably exciting.


I also walked into this random creeper at our school and busted my lip...

Two essays due tomorrow.

Walking on Sunshine

So there's this beautiful seniour who goes to my school.
He's a prefect in the freshman boy's dorm.
Let me describe to you how perfect this prefect (sorry, i couldn't help it) is:
+he's on varsity WATER POLO
+he's smart (because he's a prefect)
+he is in arts concentration (actors are generally attractive, eh?)
+he is the leader of student council


Swoons.
Apparently he doesn't associate with freshman, though, so I'm not getting my hopes up. Or at least I'm trying to think realistically. Basically, at the beginning of the year I used to go up to him and go "what's my name?" He'd say "Taffy" and I'd walk off. Then I stopped because I realised that it was probably really annoying and I'd assumed that was the end of the "Taffy-Talking-to-Perfect-Prefect" phase.

False.

Monica and I decided to try out for student- directed scenes the other Wednesday. Basically, one student at the school writes a scene (like from a play) and another one (usually an upperclassman) directs it. I did a monologue.

Just to give you some perspective:
I didn't expect to actually get in. First of all, our school is really intense regarding theater. Several alumni have gone on to win academy awards and shit. Like, I really enjoy acting, but I'm not GOOD enough to continue with it. I mainly auditioned for moral support for Monica, because it sounded fun, and because I found out that Perfect Prefect was one of the student-directors (I obsess). On the slim chance that I would make it, it would be amazing to be in the scene that he was directing.

Monica is a really intense actress. Back in Houston, she was represented by one of Houston's most prestigious agencies, but she left it. To come to boarding school. She handed me a huge stack of scenes and I chose one (not at random). I practiced and then we went to our auditions (I told her to sign me up).

I know for a fact that Monica did really well, and I'm not just saying that in a "I'll never be good enough" kind of way, she's just really good at acting. The next day, during one of our free periods, we went to check the cast list.




No freshmen made the cut.


Hahaha, build up, no? But apparently like... eighty people auditioned, only thirteen made it. So I was okay. Honestly, I really wished Monica had (just as long as she wasn't in Perfect Prefect's, she's already in costuming with him).

Today during community lunch (read sit-down and waste-a-free-period lunch), I was talking to my prefect and Perfect Prefect said my name. "Taffy...?" He said it kind of quietly and the slight pause was for me to turn and acknowledge him, I wasn't sure if he had actually said my name, "You did really well in your audition."
"Oh, thank you."
"We were all talking about it and (something something something... i was too stunned at the moment to remember what he actually said)."
My prefect cut in and said, "Oh, that's funny! I'm pretty sure that's the one where you walked in [to the dorm] and the first thing you said was 'my audition sucked'"
Perfect Prefect: "She was actually excellent."
Me: "Glad you feel that way."
My prefect: "Wait, then why did you say you didn't do well?" (i genuinely thought i hadn't)
Me: "Well... like, I didn't. And (a bit of blathering here)... I don't know. I'll probably try out again in January or something." Then I quickly walked off.


Okay, so now that I'm thinking sanely again, I realise that this moment wasn't that significant. But I figured out that even if I had done really well, Perfect Prefect didn't need to stop me and compliment me. So the basic ending of the story is that: Perfect Prefect does not hate Taffy/ does not find her particularly annoying.


Sorry for the überlong post.

New York is a Money Vacuum

So the whole class thing was cleared up and I escaped sunday-detention free.


New York was amazing.
Total damage: $110

Now I barely have any money for my next two weeks at school... plus I can't ask my mom to put more in my account because she doesn't know that I actually went... Yeah.


But Geisha is absolutely delicious.
And we got breakfast at this restaurant called Maison.
And Pinkberry twice :)
Long story short: taxi rides and food add up.


Oh, and I somehow ended this trip being the owner of a fur coat made from silver fox. What was weird is how entirely simple this came to be.

Julia's Mom: "Taffy, come here sweetie."
Me: "Um... alright"
Julia's Mom: "Well since Julia has this whole anti- fur thing going on, could you do me a favour?"
Me: "Sure, Natalie (Julia's mom's name)."
Julia's Mom: "Would you just go into... that thing and try on the coat?"
Julia: "What thing, mom? People don't really know what you're talking about when you just say thing."
I come out with the coat.
Julia: "It fits reaaaaally nicely."
Julia's Mom: "It needs to be steamed. Taff, let me get that steamed sometime and I'll ship it to you along with a hat or something."






Dude... What?

OH, You Mean Taff? That BAMF!

So I figured I'd open this post with something amusing.

There's this girl who lives on the third floor (where I live), her name is Sophia. She tried to sell me her printer.
Sometimes, you'll go into the bathroom and all of the lights are on but it doesn't look like anyone's in there. (we're really environmentally conscious here, the last person in the bathroom turns out the light). You'll go into a stall to do your business (PEE, YOU DUMB SHIT!). You'll wash your hands. You'll turn out the lights and walk out. Then three seconds later, you'll hear a loud

"HEY, HEY!"


Oh, Sophia.

What do you do in there?

Last time I walked into the bathroom right after she left it, it smelled like meat.
Ground beef, to be exact.

So I'm going to New York with Julia this weekend.
My parents are very strongly against it.
Normally, I would say "but they can't do anything about it!"
But actually, they can.
Due to the code "2222" next to my name.
(which means I'm a prisoner at the school with my parents' permission)

I have found a way to overcome this!
I forwarded an "e-mail from my mom" to our dean's assistant telling her that I have permission to go to the city.
In actuality, it's a letter listing specific reasons why I'm not allowed to go.
I even let all grammar and articles go to the wind!

Oh, and I accidentally cut class yesterday to have lunch with Matt.
This is getting very bad.
(also, I might miss out on NY because I have Sunday Detention...)






Just to let you know, I was being completely sarcastic throughout this entire post. Never would I refer to myself as a BAMF, even when meant as a compliment, it's an insult.

It's My Birthday!

-Breakfast with the sis, her husband, Jake
-Lunch with SBT
-Dinner with the fam.


It's a celebration of food!

I'm Thankful For

HOUSTON.


IS AMAZING.


I had almost forgotten all of the inside jokes I have with people here, and how many of them are just... generally awesome. Seriously, forget Dallas, H-town is the shit. (forizzle my nizzle... not really, because that has derogatory undertones)

Give Thanks, Bitches

It was my mom's birthday yesterday.
Like, I know the date, November 24th
And I knew what day it was...
But I didn't really make the connection.


So we had a bunch of pissed off calls yesterday over the unaccompanied minor fee (there is one!) and she was convinced there wasn't. Plus, I don't have a card, so I wouldn't have been able to pay for it, anyway.
Lame.

But yeah, she went
"By the way, you forgot to wish me a happy birthday."
And I, being the quick thinker I am (even though, now, I feel awful about it) went:
"No, today's the 23rd!"


But yeah, apparently today on the shuttle from the school to the airport, it was really awkward for everyone to listen to me talk to my mom on the phone.

I seriously need to work on that.

Um, there's more to write about, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to write about it. And when I am, I might not want to anymore.



Movies with Henry Friday night.

I'm so stressed out about Houston, it's unbelievable.
I have so many errands to complete!



Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, lovers.

This is Peculiar

So remember fork guy?
HOT fork guy?

We go out for lunch on Fridays.

But maybe this is the last Friday since my schedule is fucked up next term...


Still, it's weird.
It's like he hates me (or we hate each other)
and then, every Friday, we go to a local cafe and get a pizza.
He pays.

No, I don't think he likes me.
(trust me, he only dates girls UNDER 100 lbs)

"You're paying next time."
So there's going to be a next time?

Cruising

I'm the proud owner of a new Sector 9 Padang Longboard.

It's excellent.

So far, I've made a huge hole in my favourite pair of jeans, I have an unbelievable amount of bruises on my legs, and I've done the splits about five times. Involuntarily. All worth it.

Life is good, Hunter is awkward.
Whatever, I'm past this.

Sorry, my life is boring.
I'm going home in 6 days!

Oh.

Basically, here is what happened since I posted last:
(you might want to read that, first)
I talked to Hunter.

Me: "Hey... I think we should break up."
Hunter: "What?"
Me: "I don't really think it's working out. I don't think that I can BE in a relationship."
Hunter: "Oh. Why?" fucking awkward.
Me: "I don't think there's any chemistry between us. Don't get me wrong. I love you, so much, but as a person. That's why I stayed in this relationship for so long, er... um... what was long for me. Because I care about you so much and I wanted this to work out so badly."
Hunter: "I understand."
blahblahblah
yaddayaddayadda
(saving you from more awkward conversation... which I don't exactly remember)
Hunter: "Wait... Does this have anything to do with... you know, that thing we discussed the other day? the feeling up"
Me: "No, not at all."
Hunter: "Because I don't even know what that was."
Me: "It's alright. It happens. I promise, this has nothing to do with it. I just... don't think this was really working. And I hate this, because I really want to stay friends, but I don't feel like we CAN stay friends after this and... I don't know."
blahyaddablah
Hunter: "So I think our main problem was the age difference. Because I'm a sophomore and you're a freshman, we never got to see each other." NO!
Me: "Yeah..." what do I say? "No, I just don't like you in that way"? I'm not that much of a bitch.
Hunter: "So, do you want to hang out for a bit?"
Me: "Sure."
We walked to the student activities center and watched TV for a bit. Then I walked with him to our school box office so he could get a ticket for the play tonight. We half hugged, and I walked off. I thought that he had taken this extremely well, and (I know this is selfish) I was actually kind of pissed off that he didn't care that much. I promptly went to the internet cafe next to the grill and logged on to Facebook to cancel our relationship. I'm obsessive like that. Relatively good ending.

Right?
Wrong.

So I'm hanging out with the group of friends who DIDN'T go to New York this weekend (don't even get me started on this) when I get this text from Monica.
"HUNTER IS CRYING"
I immediately responded with something along the lines of "how do you know?"
"Hey, it's (insert other friend's name), but ya he's so upset. hahahahahahahahah hehehehehehehe so happy week. I kinda feel bad but whatevs"
I feel sick to my stomach.

I got the full details after eating a stomachfull of carrot spice cake. Bundt cake, to be exact.

Basically, during the show he had his hands over his eyes and was wiping with his shirt. The full nine yards. During intermission, my friends talked to one of his friends and she asked them why he was so upset. "He won't talk to anyone. He's been like this all afternoon. What happened?"

Oh.


Part of me wants to slap him for being so affected by this, part of me wants to take it all back so he doesn't have to suffer, part of me is relieved that I'm no longer with a guy who would cry after... this, part of me feels like a complete and total bitch.

I'm going to New Haven tomorrow.
Hopefully that will take my mind off of things.

The Beginning is the End is the Beginning

One month.
I counted.

I checked from my last blog post...
You know, the one where I told Hunter to kiss me?


I wish I hadn't ever done it.
There is no PHYSICAL chemistry between us.
I love him.
Like LEGITIMATELY love him.
As a person.


And now I don't know how to start this break up.
It needs to happen.

A. I can't be in a relationship.
B. I especially can't be in a relationship if it's just based on how much I care for the other person's personality. That is a close friendship.
C. I get jealous too easily, even if I don't care.
D. I don't want something after I have it.

Or I do. I really do.

I want to feel something for him so badly, it's unbelievable.
And now I don't know what to say to him.
And I want to stay friends with him, but Hunter is the kind of person where that doesn't really happen... I don't think.

He wants to meet up in like... fifteen minutes.
I haven't seen him all week.


We had a semi-fight on Wednesday about me telling people about his inability to massage breasts (ha!), but I handled that really well. And he always tells me that he loves me. And that I'm amazing. And I can't handle it. It isn't me being afraid of commitment, but this just doesn't feel right.

I'm sorry that this post is so incredibly disorganised.

One Big Disappointment

Hunter tried to feel me up tonight.





Not as in he tried and I shut him down,

but as in he tried and he failed.

















MISERABLY.

Is the Boyf Cheating?

Hm...

Hunter.

I think he likes me more than I like him. And I was thinking about this the other day, like... there are so many guys here who I find more appealing than him. And I feel like such a bitch for thinking so, because he's sweet, and he's become a better kisser. I even flirt with others

But:
Hunter is a flirt.
Hunter is also kind of awkward.


I'm not that physically attracted to Hunter.
And what if what happened with ME happens with some other girl?

Which is why it didn't come as a huge shock to me when my friend, Dominique (y'all need another name) and I were starting to practice acting and she told me that she needed to talk to me.

Dom: "Earlier, I was walking back from the dining hall with Jake (her boyfriend) and Jake told me to look over at something. There was this girl and guy and the girl was like... groping the guy. Guess who it was?"
Me: "Hunter? Or Mike, Erica's boyfriend (Erica is my prefect, who has a boyfriend named Mike who looks exactly like Hunter... but hotter... and less awkward... let's not discuss Mike, other than to say that him and Erica are adorable)."
Dom: "Nope, Hunter."

And do you know what my response was?

"Thank god."


Isn't that awful?

But yes, Dom told me how Jake didn't know who it was. And Jake, being the funny little kid he is, called out "hey!". Hunter saw Dom and she ran away. He caught up to her and asked what was up.
"Nothing. What were you up to?"
"Studying."

And apparently, he said it with no guilt. As in, he actually didn't notice the girl was flirting with him (which is actually very probable), or he just sees nothing wrong with it. Or he is a bad liar.


Advice?
And Dominique is a reliable source. She's not from the catty group of girls that I hang out with.

FUCK FUCK MOTHERFUCK.

I dropped my phone in the toilet.