ess bee tee (SBT) is MAN CANDY!

Ah, so this is a post dedicated to SBT. While I was eating at a Tex-Mex restaurant (OMGAH, I LIVE IN TEXAS!) with Natalie and Alice. We felt really bad because today we had this grandparent-ish day today where you get out early from school and they were coming over while Sam... wasn't. When she saw us leaving together, she made this really depressed face, but not a fake one so we made up a lie...
Poor Sam...

SBT is so freaking sexy, like you have no idea. He has these intense blue eyes and... YUM. (I know, this is creepy). Apparently, I'm like a huge flirt with him. I'm incredibly glad that he hasn't noticed... Anyway, I'm feeling really confident because he told me that my five hour all-nighter essay was "excellent, that took you like five hours right?"
slow nod
"So think about what would happen if you put a little bit of time for the next research paper everyday. You have a month."
nod again. "Um, yeah, I've tried that but I tend to procrastinate. And by then I'm just like 'fu...dge it, i'm too tired' and I go to sleep."
he kind of smiles when I catch myself. "I was like that too, trust me, you're digging yourself into a deep hole."
And more of an intense talk.

BLAH. It's not just that I think he's hot. It's like... I genuinely like him. Which sucks, considering our SIXTEEN YEAR age difference. Urgh. I hope he divorces his wife. WHO HE ONLY DATED FOR A MONTH BEFORE THEY GOT ENGAGED! Okay, okay, I have to get over this.

let's talk about Gage...

Btw, In case anyone was wondering, I'm not Chinese. I HATE being called Chinese and I get incredibly pissed off when people call me that.

Ah, so Gage.
He has pretty much been forgiven, we're talking like normal and he's gone back to his pervy self. The whole time during English, he was looking up my skirt. When I realised this, I crossed my legs and pulled my skirt down. Then he left to go talk to Bee and Lucy.

UGH! Stuff like this is why I get mad at him. He's also SUPER hypocritical about Cherie, half the time he's always talking about how he hates her, then whenever he's around her he's this huge flirt. Same with Henry. And I seriously think he's embarrased by me. Honestly, I'm happier when I'm not talking to him. At least then he's trying to keep this friendship going. Other times he just takes me for granted and makes me feel really insecure. Like he says the rudest stuff, and he always ditches me for the Stewards, who ALL OF THE GUYS PRETEND TO HATE.

It's ridiculous. If I ever do make the decision to really end it, I'm ending it for real.
It may sound like I get pissed at him for no reason at all, but it's the little things...

CHEESE AND RICE!

Did I ever post anything about my fight with Gage regarding Taylor's dick?
Well he told Che.
I think I already posted this...
ANYWAY, I found out about that last monday (the seventh of April), and I managed to give him silent treatment up till today when a whole bunch of guys (including HENRY and CHUCK) told me that I was being immature.
I already tried the "be civil but don't be friends really" option. Doesn't work.
So after I told him, Oklahoma! play practice was extremely awkward. I've told him that I'm pissed but things are normal. Kinda. I was sitting next to him earlier and listening to his iPod when our knees touched (which, pre-fight, had no meaning whatsoever). We stayed like that for like, a second, when he realised that our knees were in fact... touching. OH FIE! Anyway, he sort of tensed up and ended up sitting with his knees bent and feet on the ground. Awkward.
I texted him five hours ago going, "Hey, can things go back to normal, please? Yes, I'm still pissed at you, but I don't want stuff to be this awkward anymore."
Reply:
(I would post it here, but too bad THERE WAS NONE!)
FUCKAROO!

Oh, and I have no chance with any of the guys in the grade. Or guys in general.
Love you :)

quit being a ho.

"Taaaaaaaafffy, hey, this is some random girl named Holly. I heard that you've been with a lot of guys. So yeah... quit being such a ho. See you at school."

WTF. I DON'T KNOW ANYONE NAMED HOLLY!
How is she going to see me at school?
And she had sort of a hispanic accent.
And the only hispanic friend I have is Alice
(who I've hurt repeatedly)
But this person had a different voice than Alice.
Still, supposedly Alice is hanging with a couple of friends today
SOOOOO... Yeah, she still hates me.
Fuck.
Guess I can't go to her quinceañera any more...

Oye, Syd, right now I'm eating a crunch wrap surpreme.

I cain't say no.

We just started rehearsing for our school's production of Oklahoma! and I'm cast as Aunt Eller.
Oh, and our musical is in three weeks.

Why, you may ask?
Why, because we have a retard music teacher (pseudonym: mrs. caterpillar, cat for short because... idk its and inside joke between me and Henry)
OH, but Henry is a mega flirt.
And Penn is once again huggy- and talky now that Gage is gone sick.
(Gage who I still haven't spoken to).

Friend drama is OOOOOVERRR! Thank God, I'm still worried about Alice because I hurt her so badly... Ugh, yes, Taff is a retard as well!

Went to some stupid dinner function thing for my parents tonight :/. I do love wearing dresses though!

Hmm... not much else to say.

what goes up must come down.

in this case the thing coming back down is...

my life.



UGH. This is so stupid.

It may seem like I'm making a big deal about everything.

And to Nat and stuff, it probably does.
I agree, I probably am.



Gage told CHE, of all people, (Gage once told Che something KNOWING that Che would tell people in order to break up with Cherie) about the Taylor pictures.

I talked to Natalie about this during lunch and she's like, "Wait, what do you call him, fat, fatass, woman, chubby, chubbycheeks, what are the others?"

Basically, she said it like I deserved it.

Hello, GAGE CALLS ME STUFF BACK. Even if I don't react to his name calling as much, it isn't fucking justified.

Second of all Nat, I'm seriously wondering if you have some sort of secret hatred for me. (This isn't calling you out or anything, I could just be paranoid and this could just be your personality)

When I started this blog I promised myself I would write the truth. I was seriously debating not doing so because you and Syd are the only two people who I actually KNOW who are reading this. And y'all are huge parts of my life. I just got off the phone with you. And yeah, I feel sort of bad about this (and I don't expect you to change yourself or anything), but the whole excitement you get from Alice's sister's hatred for me kind of sets of an alarm. I can understand the whole Jordache thing, but I'm still sort of confused about this.



Reason why I'm pissed: I told Gage not to tell anyone about Taylor and also the m.o. session in P.E.

Somehow, people have already found out about both.

hmm...



Also, Calvin told Alice about how Gage & I have kissed more than once.

Result: This Text from Alice-

Ok. Confession time. Yesterday i found out how even after my sis called u n cussed u out about u having made out wit gage, u kept making out wit him, completely ignoring how hurt i had felt then. I had gotten over it, but when i found out yesterday that u didnt stop i got mad/sad all over again. I didnt think u'd do that 2 me. I started crying n all that other shit. B4 that, i had no intentions of getting revenge on you. But then i woke up evil, like seriously wanting 2 ruin your life. I seriously considered it but now I don't want 2. Because as pissed as i am at u i dont wanna do that. And about gage telling ppl about u 2 making out... U shouldnt have done it if u didnu want anyone 2 find out about it later. It was bound to happen. And i'm sorry that this is all happening to you. About ppl finding out and stuff. And i'm telling u rite now that i wont be able 2 trust u the same again like i did b4. I want u and gage 2 make up. I love you taff. And i don't want evryone 2 see you as something else 4 my own benefits. I cant think of the other things i was gonna tell you. React how ever you want to. I want you to be honest with me.

AHHHH! THIS TEXT PISSES ME OFF SO MUCH THAT YOU HAVE NO IDEA!Here Alice goes, being an amazing friend, and apologises for having RUDE THOUGHTS. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?NO!

Alice is amazing.

And the rest of my life has sort of gone to hell. And for some reason I
actually think I can talk to Henry about this crap. And I was coming
extremely close to telling him my feelings for him (before Gage decides to
pull and asshole stunt) even though I've made them so obvious that I'd
probably stop crushing on him if he hadn't realised them before I told him. (not really, i'd make up some excuse).
Hm... I had more to write about but then my mother had a freak out and I had to leave the computer in case she read this. Which would be extremely bad...Thank God I have friends outside of school.And Nat, I'm sorry if this seems bitchy and such and such and you probably don't have "cruel intentions" but i'm a retard.

push me, and then just touch me

till i can get my



SATISFACTION.



Two dances.



And they were way better than last weeks half grind party.

ahh, love love life :)



my mother is bugging me to do homework...

we'll see.



Warning: NEXT TWO PASSAGES COME OUT KIND OF POSER-Y



First Dance: School dance

I always love love love school dances.

Reasons for this one:

I know rock song lyrics which raises my popularity with the guys.

I can head bang and not look like a loser because people have gotten past the point of caring that I dance oddly...

Henry's game got rained out and he came to the school dance :)

(eyes met during slow dance, gravitational pull, et cetera, et cetera)

I actually got asked to dance during the slow dances instead of my usual "lets dance"
During the last dance, I ended up dancing with someone other than Henry.
When he walked by he called me a bitch. (kidding, of course)

I walked outside and talked to SBT a lot because they started playing really shitty music and I got really hot

Sam, Sydney, and Nat came over afterwards and we proceeded to poke Sam awake with school supplies.

Then we turned on the strobe light :D (don't ask)

Sucky thing: I started crying at the end of the school dance because I'm going to boarding school and I've been at the same school for over ten years.
A bunch of people didn't know what to do because theyve never seen me cry... Now that I think about it, it was pretty funny.

Next Dance: Lily, Bee, and Lucy's
Ah, so they did this semi- tacky, semi- cool thing where there was a red carpet when you walked in.
SBT was there to interview us.
<3
I had a really cute yellow minidress on with a rosette on the left side.
Hair in a bun.
Red Lips.
Henry couldn't go because he had a stupid baseball tournament.
Hot guy from a prep school djed.
I asked him to dance because Aubrey dared me to.
I got a "I would but it's against our policy. I really would"
SUUURE.
And techno music.
And more strobe lights :)

Also, note on last post: I didn't actually go over. We were kidding around. Sadly, Henry is still WAAAAY out of reach for me :/

I'm in LOVE!

me: swinging by at around 8 :)


henry: wear something tight.